Published on June 15, 2013
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen
I need Helena and I need her to be the big spoon right now
Myka, Pete, and Claudia: "Papa?"
Officially unfriended on Facebook
Help me, Claudi-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope
Maybe if I just stand here and look sexy, it will help things
Myka: Mmmmm...even her notes taste like her
Over half the episode is done and still no H.G....she's coming right?
Look kids, your abusive father's home!
H.G.? Where are you?
I've never said one thing about his eyebrows, and he says this to me?!
Pete: Can this episode be over yet?
Just what I needed - the appearance of the artifact that got Sam killed
Seriously?
|
Episode 4.10: We All Fall Down! Midseason 4 finale of Warehouse 13! Today's the day! The sun is shining, Leena's dead, and I'm sure H.G. is going to be in... Oh God, Leena's dead. We begin the midseason finale as we began the season opener: engulfed in misery. At the end of 4.09: The Ones You Love, Artie completes his full transformation into Evil Artie, losing himself to the effects of using Magellan's astrolabia. Poor Leena, out of concern and love for Artie, stayed with him and tried to get through to the non-evil part of his soul that still remained. As a result, she loses her life at his hands. You have a beloved main character literally shoot and kill another beloved main character point blank. Sigh number 1,000,000 for this season. Instead of the typical opening sequence, only a grim appearance of the show's title fades into view, and besides being incredibly scary, it also is a signal that the finale makes no attempt to balance the drama with the comedy. It's just drama - of the darkest kind. Claudia's upset, Myka is a weepy mess, and even Pete's crying (which is the equivalent of seeing Barney Rubble break down and sob in the street). The only hope for something non-devastating occurring in the episode is the expectation that our H.G. will return to us as she always does in season finales and openers, saving the day. Our hopes increase when early into the episode, Mrs. Frederic tells the team, "I entrusted H.G. Wells with the astrolabia. Even I do not know where she is." As soon as her name is uttered, we await the reaction of one Myka Ophelia Bering. The show cuts to her and we get...well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it is something! While Pete and Mrs. Frederic continue the discussion, Myka takes a moment to take in this information, but what Myka knows or is feeling about this is anyone's guess at this point. The team focuses on tracking down Evil Artie, and while Claudia and Myka are discussing him, suddenly Evil Artie is standing in the middle of the office. Claudia runs towards him like a lost child running to her father in a crowd, but before she can embrace him, he tells her not to approach him because there's something wrong with him. Um, yeah, we know. He starts out pretty calm and collected, but soon enough, his intentions for being here become clear, as he makes a demand for the astrolabia. Pete tells him it's not going to happen. Myka, in a gentler approach, tries to reason with him: "Artie, listen. You told us yourself that using the astrolabia again would destroy the Warehouse...H.G., Steve, Mrs. Frederic; they'd all be dead." Evil Artie predictably does not really care about Myka's loved ones dying. Instead, his demeanor becomes increasingly antagonistic towards the three of them. Also, stop right there. Myka's statement implies that she already knows that H.G. sacrificed her life for her in another timeline. I mean, she suddenly knows that H.G. is dead in the other timeline, so presumably, she knows the circumstances surrounding it. This means that we have missed out on getting Myka's reaction to finding out H.G. gave her life for her. Are you freaking kidding me, Warehouse 13? When H.G. created the mini-barrier to protect Myka, the show intentionally went out of its way to focus on what that moment meant to both H.G. and Myka, drowning out Pete and Artie, and showing only the shared last looks and words between Bering and Wells. Apparently, now, that moment doesn't matter enough to show it? *loud guttural lesbian scream of rage Bitterly moving on (though never forgetting), Claudia tries to calm Evil Artie down and when she reaches out to touch him, her hand goes right through him. Oh God, if that's not a mindfuck, I don't know what is. At least, H.G. gave Myka a warning about her holographic state in Episode 3.01: The New Guy, so Myka could sensuously feel up her image. Artie let his surrogate daughter find out by having her attempted affection be met with nothing but air and static. Don't expect a big Father's Day present this year Artie. Evil Artie explains, "I have the H.G. hologram device." Is that a thing now? Did we name it that? He makes it seem like it's available at Target for $29.99. He goes on to threaten them into telling him where the astrolabia is. Dad's being really uncool right now. He looks at the sole surviving member of Cleena and says, "Think what happened to Leena." *huge gay gasp How dare you sir! Yes, you're evil, but this...this is a new extreme. This also is the definition of "too soon." Claudia tells him they can help him, but he only responds by imitating her. That's it, bro! We're officially done! Give me back my friendship bracelet right now, jerkface! Claudia figures out Evil Artie is not in H.G.'s pokeball, but instead is somewhere in the Warehouse. He zaps his image off and suddenly an explosion occurs down on the Warehouse floor. The three of them run off to deal with the new crisis at hand. After the fires are put out, ghost Leena appears to Pete and leads him to some documents she had stashed away. These documents turn out to be H.G.'s research on the dagger, which Mrs. F tasks Pete, Myka, and Claudia to find before Artie can. Myka: "So, H.G. found out that the dagger belonged to the Fourth Duke of Gandia who was a Spanish Jesuit in the sixteenth century, which was also during the Holy Roman Empire." Claudia: "Did H.G. find it?" Myka: "I don't think so. There's nothing in here about where this dagger is now." Asking a perfectly reasonable question, Claudia: "Well, if H.G. couldn't find it, how do we?" Beats me; I have no idea. Pete proposes they try and think like Artie would, so they head back to the office to track his movements. While Pete and Claudia are at the desk working away, Myka is in the background, diligently going through H.G.'s research, taking notes and following her clues. Even when they are apart, they are working together in sync. It's adorable. Claudia tracks Artie to Budapest, where he is planning to meet up with a man about the dagger. Pete and Myka find out that the man who possessed the dagger loaned his collection to a museum in Prague, so off to the Czech Republic they go. At the Czech Museum of Fine Art, Pete feels it's a good time to discuss his emotions about the tragedy that has befallen the Warehouse. Myka tells him to just focus on the current mission, but before she can even finish her "It's all about work" speech, she falters, admitting, "Who am I kidding? I can't stop thinking about it either." Thanks a lot, Pete. Let's make sure you and Myka are as emotionally and mentally vulnerable as possible while you are in the middle of trying to save the world. Good call. Trying to pull herself together, Myka gets out, "But you know what, whatever happens, we are still a family." Uh yeah, a family that is now missing a sister due to their father shooting her. You guys are those people featured on talk shows about what has gone wrong with our society. Pete continues to try and bring Myka into a very dark place, but she finally cuts him off, saying (in a wonderfully Canadian way), "I don't know, Pete! I don't know if he's going to remember, and I don't know how we're going to tell him. Okay? But that is on tomoooorrow's list, okay? Today's list is 'find the dagger;' 'stop Artie;' so let's just, let's just get through today." Hey Debbie Downer Lattimer! Pull your head out of your ass and let's save the world before you force what's left of your family into a mental breakdown. Sad brother and sad sister come upon the dagger they've been looking for, but right after they find it, Evil Artie waltzes through the door. Oh no. Pete mouths off to Artie, which we find out is a very, very, very bad idea. Evil Artie begins a scathing critique of Pete, labeling him an idiot, bringing up his alcoholism, and attacking him over his father's death. It's brutal and horrific. Pete looks like a kicked puppy. Myka: "Artie, stop." Oh God, Myka, why? Quick! Say, "J/K, nevermind. Ha ha." Do not throw yourself in front of Artie's bombs of insecurity! Too late. Evil Artie locks and reloads, with his target now directly on our beloved Agent Bering: "And you! With your uncompromising, prudish rigidity. And your condescension and your infuriating belief that you're always the smartest one in the room. You are on a direct path to spending the rest of your life alone. Don't you understand? Artie wants you out of his life forever." I was hoping for two things during this insanely cruel, and also untrue, diatribe: 1) That Myka would just earmuff herself with her hands and think happy thoughts until it was over; and 2) That H.G. would show up when Evil Artie says Myka's on a path to living alone, and would sassily refute that assertion. But it's season 4, so neither happens and the "kicked puppy" club makes room for one new member. Apparently, Warehouse 13 does not feel the show has gotten dark enough yet after their two main characters were just verbally slaughtered, so they decide to have Evil Artie use Isaac Parker's noose to hang Pete and Myka, along with other innocent museum-goers, from the rafters. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what?! H.G.?! H.G?! Get your ass out here now! You better not be somewhere else doing something stupid right now! (You know, like taking a cooking class with desperate single fathers in Wisconsin) We need you. Myka needs you! *crickets chirping Long story short, Pete and Myka survive being hanged by Evil Artie and the show moves forward. How? I have no idea, but it does. This traveling circus of horrors relocates to Deutschland, where Artie has convinced a trio of Germans to join his side. A lot of stuff happens - whatever - but we end up with another situation that no one wants to see: Evil Artie pointing a gun to Pete's head. He demands Myka give over the dagger or he promises to end Pete's life. My brotp give each other deep looks, and Myka, knowing what Pete is instructing her to do, chucks the dagger down a hole to be ground to pieces. I'm not so sure she would have taken that risk if H.G. was the one with the gun to her head, but H.G. isn't there (damn it!), so who knows? Myka tells Evil Artie to stop the madness because with the dagger gone, there's no reason to continue. He, of course, turns the gun on a scared Myka, then Steve, and then Pete again because the threshold of terrible has not been reached yet. What am I even watching? Evil Artie decides to use the U.S.S. Eldridge barometer, which appeared previously in 3.07: Past Imperfect, to freeze time for 47 seconds and retrieve the dagger before it is destroyed. Wait...so, he had this the whole time? Why didn't he use it before he demanded Myka and Steve give him the dagger and the orchid? Then he could have just taken it out of their hands and left. Ohhhh, but then we wouldn't have had the lovely gun to everybody's head sequence that was necessary. This is officially nonsensical. Blah, blah, blah. Eventually Claudia joins the fray and after a last ditch attempt to get Evil Artie to stop, it's finally her turn for Evil Artie's verbal wrath. He proceeds to kill her spirit, as he did to Pete and Myka (lucky Steve missed out), but before he can release the "sweating sickness" (rolling my eyes) from the orchid, Claudia gets a hold of the dagger and plunges it into Evil Artie. This excises the evil that Artie has been plagued with since using Magellan's astrolabia, but it also still means he has a massive dagger in his chest, which medically speaking, is less good. Meanwhile, the blue orchid of death floats towards the ground, set to unleash its world-killing nastiness. Pete absurdly dives for it, but it doesn't matter. The flower evaporates into a black cloud of doom and it begins its path of international destruction. Because Myka hasn't been put through enough, of course, we see her infected by it. Annnnnd 4.10: We All Fall Down comes to a close. |
Well, that was fun. For no one.
H.G. does not appear; Artie has now killed Leena, pointed a gun at Myka, Pete, and Steve, and has screamed unforgivable things to Myka, Pete, and Claudia; Artie has a massive dagger in his chest due to Claudia stabbing him with it; and a "sweating sickness" now threatens to annihilate the world's population within the next 24 hours. Not only that, we now have a seven-month hiatus to dwell on this episode.
Ah yes, Warehouse 13, that show about a team of federal agents who are like a family to one another. After this episode, I'll pass on having that kind of family. I also don't want to go to Germany or the Czech Republic, and I'm scared of museums with rafters. Great!
Remember those coping mechanisms I discussed in 4.01: A New Hope. I advise you to follow my lead and start using them. Seven months is a long time, and whooo buddy, there's still a massive iceberg waiting for the S.S. Bering and Wells ahead.
H.G. does not appear; Artie has now killed Leena, pointed a gun at Myka, Pete, and Steve, and has screamed unforgivable things to Myka, Pete, and Claudia; Artie has a massive dagger in his chest due to Claudia stabbing him with it; and a "sweating sickness" now threatens to annihilate the world's population within the next 24 hours. Not only that, we now have a seven-month hiatus to dwell on this episode.
Ah yes, Warehouse 13, that show about a team of federal agents who are like a family to one another. After this episode, I'll pass on having that kind of family. I also don't want to go to Germany or the Czech Republic, and I'm scared of museums with rafters. Great!
Remember those coping mechanisms I discussed in 4.01: A New Hope. I advise you to follow my lead and start using them. Seven months is a long time, and whooo buddy, there's still a massive iceberg waiting for the S.S. Bering and Wells ahead.