Published on May 27. 2013
When episode 3.12: Stand starts up, the team is still reeling from Agent Jinks' death and H.G. is being held hostage by Walter Sykes. So things are going...great? Wait, no, the opposite of that.
H.G. is riding in the back of a car with Walter Sykes, looking fantastic by the way, and very un-Emily Lake. I mean, seriously, who lets their captives dress so well? Regardless, Sykes is holding her hostage using Cecil B. DeMille's riding crop, which allows a person to control another person's body with their mind. That artifact is begging to be included in "Mature" to "Explicit" fan fiction.
We find out that Sykes went after H.G. because she was the prize student of Warehouse 12's Caturanga, who created a nasty, nasty lock protecting the Ancient Regent Sanctum, a place to which Sykes wants access. At the mention of Caturanga's name
H.G. is riding in the back of a car with Walter Sykes, looking fantastic by the way, and very un-Emily Lake. I mean, seriously, who lets their captives dress so well? Regardless, Sykes is holding her hostage using Cecil B. DeMille's riding crop, which allows a person to control another person's body with their mind. That artifact is begging to be included in "Mature" to "Explicit" fan fiction.
We find out that Sykes went after H.G. because she was the prize student of Warehouse 12's Caturanga, who created a nasty, nasty lock protecting the Ancient Regent Sanctum, a place to which Sykes wants access. At the mention of Caturanga's name
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(which is almost identical to the word "Chaturanga," an ancestor of chess - aha!), we get a lovely flashback to H.G.'s first day at Warehouse 12, where she's being greeted by none other than Caturanga himself, an exuberantly happy Warehouse mentor. He welcomes H.G. by asking/yelling, "What do you smell?!" I would recommend not using that as an opening line to anything ever, but H.G. goes along with it, honestly answering, "Apples?" Caturanga responds excitedly, "Yes, you do! Most people do not smell the apples. The Warehouse likes you." He is the Mr. Rogers of Warehouse 12, if Mr. Rogers took Ecstasy...and created mind-bending death traps.
Back at the Warehouse (present day), the mood is "gay depressed." Like a baby animal separated from the herd in the wild, Claudia, without her main gay, is struggling to survive. While looking through Jinksy's belongings, the team comes upon a secret video he left for the team in case of his untimely death. In it, he clues them in on Sykes' plans to travel to Hong Kong, though |
Maybe one day, a beautiful woman and I shall almost be asphyxiated by this
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he is not certain why. You know who does know why? Big lesbian Captain Janeway/Regent Lattimer herself - that's who. She struts into the office to reveal that Hong Kong is home to the Ancient Regent Sanctum. Ohhhhhhhh. I guess? All I know is that it means Myka's on her way to the H.K. to see her H.G.
In Hong Kong, Myka and Pete are in the basement of a building where they believe access to the Ancient Regent Sanctum
In Hong Kong, Myka and Pete are in the basement of a building where they believe access to the Ancient Regent Sanctum
Dis my boo's
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should be located. Myka's flashlight shines upon a familiar object laying on the ground, H.G.'s locket, and she triumphantly picks it up, saying, "Well, I would say that we're in the right place." When Pete asks her what she found, she proudly proclaims, "Well, I doubt H.G. and a stock boy wear the same...locket." Myka is so proud of herself, it's disgusting...ly wonderful.
Though they found H.G's locket, they still struggle to find the exact opening to the Sanctum, causing Pete to doubt that they are in the right place. Myka knows better: "H.G. left that locket as a clue. I know it." As usual, she's right, meaning H.G. voluntarily left her most prized possession - a locket holding a picture of Christina - in a dark basement in China, hoping Myka would find it because she knew Myka would know its meaning. No, I'm not crying...it's just been raining on my face. |
When the team activates a secret sliding door, Myka locks and loads like a badass, and she and Pete dive headfirst into the blackness before them. Walking cautiously down a darkened hallway, they move towards the voices waiting for them at the end.
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And what a scene it is. The chess lock, designed by Caturanga, traps the player into a stone chair by closing a metal collar around his/her neck, forcing them to play the pre-set game of chess before them. Players have three moves to win or lose. By "win," I mean you escape with your life and get to live with the trauma of the chess lock experience for the rest of your time on Earth. By "lose," ummm, your skull is cleaved in half by a vicious axe hanging ominously above your head. This is not Chutes and Ladders. This is also not the contraption I imagined Caturanga would come up with as a protection for the Warehouse. I mean, the dude seemed like the friendly neighbor down the street who whistles while mowing the lawn. Was he having a particularly bad day when the Regents asked him to come up with this lock? Dear God. Myka and Pete poke their little horrified heads around the wall, trying to take in |
Not on China's tourism brochure
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the nightmarish scope of what is going on in the Sanctum. H.G., being controlled by Sykes, has a gun to idiotic Tyler's head, who understandably is scared out of his wits and begging Sykes to stop. In a very S&M way, Sykes slaps the chess table with the riding crop, urging the game to continue. Tyler, at this point, has no choice but to proceed, and after making an incorrect move, the axe falls. H.G. gasps; Myka gasps; and Tyler exits stage left.
In an evil Bob Barker impression, Sykes turns towards where Pete and Myka are hiding, yelling, "First show's over. Lattimer and Bering, come on down!" Here we go.
In an evil Bob Barker impression, Sykes turns towards where Pete and Myka are hiding, yelling, "First show's over. Lattimer and Bering, come on down!" Here we go.