And now we come to the part of the episode called “Gay Ladies and Their Coping Mechanisms.” In this segment, we observe three inmates facing difficult situations and see how they deal with them.
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Inmate: Piper Chapman
Her problem: Dealing with the fact that her best friend, Polly Harper, slept with her ex-fiancé, Mr. Jackass Supreme - Larry Bloom Her coping mechanism of choice: Punching a concrete wall with her fist until it bleeds Why this works: Me mad! Me punch things! Me feel better! (temporarily) Why this doesn’t work: It’s a concrete wall. Also, it’s her fist (made of flesh, blood, and bone) vs. a concrete wall (made of water, aggregate, and cement). No one is getting hurt other than Piper, not to mention, she is defacing public property by getting her blood all over that nice, clean, innocent wall. Lesson: When you are sad, do not punch walls, particularly when said walls are made of concrete. Bonus: Piper finally opened up Alex's letter post-wall-punching. Running into the arms of an ex after devastation? Probs not a great idea, but I certainly don't mind it in this situation. |
Concrete was a bad choice
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Inmate: Poussey Washington
Her problem: Losing her best friend, friend group, and overall will to live because of the diabolical Vee Her coping mechanism of choice: Drinking her homemade alcoholic brew that she has stashed away in the library’s ceiling until she can hardly function Why this works: Drinking is fun! Woohoo! I don’t feel a thing! Particularly not my heart breaking into little pieces! Why this doesn’t work: So many reasons: 1) A hangover of epic proportions; 2) She's still in prison, and being drunk in prison has to be less fun; 3) Bad life choices - She yells at Vee and proceeds to charge at her like a drunken linebacker, leading Vee to have Suzanne brutally beat the crap out of her. Lesson: When you are sad, do not drink yourself into oblivion. Not only will you be hungover, you will also be influenced to make bad life decisions, such as inciting a ruthless prison dictator such as Vee, who will have you emphatically beaten at the hands of her impressionable thugs (Suzanne, honey, I'm talking about you.) |
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Inmate: Nicky Nichols
Her problem: The siren call of the best girlfriend she ever had, heroin Her coping mechanism of choice: Giving the heroin to Red Why this works: Drug free is the way to be! Why this doesn’t work: It does! It does! Not only that, but Red tells her, "You did good, Nicky," while hugging her. So, you get to be high on life, plus receive physical affection from your Soviet surrogate mother. Win-win! Lesson: When you are sad and the local drug ring gives you some free heroin, just say no and go find the nearest Russian badass to deposit it with. You’ll get hugs and avoid falling down the black hole that is: substance abuse. |
Hugs, not drugs
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What is the moral of “Gay Ladies and Their Coping Mechanisms”? When your gay life is getting you down, be like Nicky Nichols, not Piper and Poussey.
After Piper pulls herself together (and bandages her bloodied fist), she heads to the phone to call her brother, Cal. Neri picks up instead, asking whether Piper wants her to hunt down Cal to speak to, but Piper sees an opportunity: "Actually, maybe you can help me." Laughing, Neri tells her, "Yeah, sister-in-law! Whatever you need, dude." What favor does she ask of Neri? The ole' flaming bag of poop for one Polly Harper. When Polly opens the door to this lovely gift, unlike dum-dum Piper, she grabs a fire extinguisher and puts it out without getting poo on herself. Smart girl! Getting the message loud and clear, Polly says openly, "I deserve that." Aw, Polly, you handled that so well. You make it so hard to dislike you!
After Piper pulls herself together (and bandages her bloodied fist), she heads to the phone to call her brother, Cal. Neri picks up instead, asking whether Piper wants her to hunt down Cal to speak to, but Piper sees an opportunity: "Actually, maybe you can help me." Laughing, Neri tells her, "Yeah, sister-in-law! Whatever you need, dude." What favor does she ask of Neri? The ole' flaming bag of poop for one Polly Harper. When Polly opens the door to this lovely gift, unlike dum-dum Piper, she grabs a fire extinguisher and puts it out without getting poo on herself. Smart girl! Getting the message loud and clear, Polly says openly, "I deserve that." Aw, Polly, you handled that so well. You make it so hard to dislike you!
So, I'm not sure you're up for this...but I need someone to poop in a paper bag...
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Aw, bitch, I'll stop you there. Love it! I'm in!
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In the white bunks, Nichols and Morello are playing cards with one another, when Gina comes by to tell Nichols, "I'm proud of you." Predictably, Nichols responds, "Then get the fuck out of here." Gina obliges, and Morello asks, "What was that about?" Nichols tells her that it was "nothing," but a small smile from her shows that she's proud of herself, too. Way to go, Nichols!
Finally, in an interesting turn of events, the episode ends with Pornstache being fired from LCF, due to his sexual assault of Daya (the Prison Rape Elimination Act states that an inmate cannot consent to sexual acts with a guard, and, of course, Daya's now pregnant (with Bennett's baby)). Pornstache gets hauled off by U.S. marshals, and when he is being escorted away in handcuffs, all of the inmates come out to watch him take the final walk down the hallway. He gives a smirk and a wink to Bennett, and when he sees Daya, he requests, "Wait for me, baby. You know what, I don't care anymore. Go ahead, arrest me! I LOVE THIS WOMAN! You hear me? That is my baby in there, and I fucking love you!" He goes in for a kiss, but the marshals pull him away, as he tells Daya, "I want to call it Stan, okay? Don't lift anything heavy! And no tuna fish! Or soft cheese. I'm coming back for you, baby! I'm gonna take care of you! Both of you!" What a dream that man is...wants a baby named Stan, devoted to the woman he sexually assaulted, and unapologetically wears a mullet during a decade that is not the 1980s or 1990s. LCF is now Pornstache-less, but the big question in my mind is: where the heck is Alex Vause in present times? The answer is coming...soon.
Finally, in an interesting turn of events, the episode ends with Pornstache being fired from LCF, due to his sexual assault of Daya (the Prison Rape Elimination Act states that an inmate cannot consent to sexual acts with a guard, and, of course, Daya's now pregnant (with Bennett's baby)). Pornstache gets hauled off by U.S. marshals, and when he is being escorted away in handcuffs, all of the inmates come out to watch him take the final walk down the hallway. He gives a smirk and a wink to Bennett, and when he sees Daya, he requests, "Wait for me, baby. You know what, I don't care anymore. Go ahead, arrest me! I LOVE THIS WOMAN! You hear me? That is my baby in there, and I fucking love you!" He goes in for a kiss, but the marshals pull him away, as he tells Daya, "I want to call it Stan, okay? Don't lift anything heavy! And no tuna fish! Or soft cheese. I'm coming back for you, baby! I'm gonna take care of you! Both of you!" What a dream that man is...wants a baby named Stan, devoted to the woman he sexually assaulted, and unapologetically wears a mullet during a decade that is not the 1980s or 1990s. LCF is now Pornstache-less, but the big question in my mind is: where the heck is Alex Vause in present times? The answer is coming...soon.
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Go to Orange is the New Black Episode Recaps
Go to Orange is the New Black page Go to Vauseman page Go to Vauseman Gallery of Passion Go to Alex Vause page Go to Alex Vause Gallery of Sexy Go to Piper Chapman page Go to Piper Chapman Gallery of Emotion Go to Laura Prepon page Go to Taylor Schilling page |