Before we can discover the fate of this Vause correspondence, the screen cuts to the cafeteria, where the red carpet is being laid out for Vee and Co. When Vee, Suzanne, Taystee, and Watson approach the cafeteria counter, the other inmates part like Vee is Moses standing before the Red Sea. They pass through the line, without a second's wait, and even Suzanne gets a double serving of waffles. When Vee decides she wants to sit down at the table where Rosa is sitting, she places her tray down next to Rosa, who asks, "You got something to say to me?" She does: "My girls need your seat." Rosa responds, "And when I'm done, they can have it." Ooooh, girl. Suzanne grabs Rosa's water and proceeds to pour it all over Rosa's tray of food, with Vee asking, "Done yet?" *GASP* Suzanne, don't do that! It's mean, and, like, super duper mean considering she's dying of cancer! Rosa gets up and tells Vee, "You are a very rude woman." Holla!
I got two words for you: white van
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Puh, what the hell's that supposed to mean?
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Once Rosa has left, the ladies sit down to eat and discuss all of the new perks they've been receiving due to Vee's business. Black Cindy walks up and reveals a deluge of snacks from underneath her shirt, as she went to town at Commissary. Needless to say, life is good...for now. After Black Cindy does a horrifically offensive imitation of Chang, Taystee reminds everyone, "Yo, didn't I tell you that Vee was gonna take care of us?" Noticeably, Poussey is absent from this feast of riches.
Up in line, Sophia, who is sporting shorter hair, is waiting for her food, when Red comes up and asks, "Who cuts your hair? Denita?" Recoiling at this suggestion, Sophia replies, "Hell no! I wouldn't let that butcher near me with a pair of scissors. I do it myself. Don't look at the back. It's a mess." As Sophia self-consciously smooths down the back of her hair, Red inquires, "What's the occasion?" "My son's coming to visit," says Sophia. Awww. She tells Red, "Michael hasn't seen me in a long time. He's never come before."
Up in line, Sophia, who is sporting shorter hair, is waiting for her food, when Red comes up and asks, "Who cuts your hair? Denita?" Recoiling at this suggestion, Sophia replies, "Hell no! I wouldn't let that butcher near me with a pair of scissors. I do it myself. Don't look at the back. It's a mess." As Sophia self-consciously smooths down the back of her hair, Red inquires, "What's the occasion?" "My son's coming to visit," says Sophia. Awww. She tells Red, "Michael hasn't seen me in a long time. He's never come before."
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When Red asks why not, Sophia answers, "He was pissed off. Or ashamed. Or both. He turned me in." Giving Sophia a long hard look, Red asks, "So, you're strangling him at the beginning of the visit or at the end?" Pfft, Red. Sophia explains, "He was only twelve and angry. He's been through a lot. I'm gonna sit back, let him vent. You know, get it all out." Red replies, "Well, if it were me, I'd kick him to death, but we all have our own way of parenting." True dat. One is accepting and loving, and the other is...well, filicide.
Over at another table, Soso is trying to round up troops to join her fight against the administration by going on a hunger strike. Holding her Eggo in hand, Morello leans over and informs her, "You're wasting your breath. You're not gonna convince this crowd not to eat." Big Boo agrees with this sentiment, but Soso persists, bringing up all of the terrible conditions they have to endure. Nichols, though, just waves a burnt sausage in her face, saying, "Come on, Jane Fonda, have a little bit of sausage." Morello joins in: "Yeah, just a |
Nichols: Come on, take a lick!
Morello: Yeah, even if it's just the tip! |
little bit. You look a bit pale. How many days has it been?" There's nothing I love more than queer ladies forcing sausage on people.
Soso then turns to Sister Ingalls, hoping her background in social justice may encourage her to join up on Team Hunger Strike. In usual fashion, Soso is wrong. Sister Ingalls dismisses, "Oh honey, it's not Guantanamo." Dejected by everyone's apathy, Soso sits down, saying, "Fine, I'll do it alone." She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths, and upon seeing her vulnerable state, Big Boo gets a big spoon of oatmeal and quietly shoves it into Soso's unsuspecting mouth. Gross. Unsurprisingly, Soso spits it out in disgust and chastises, "That is really disrespectful!" Her whines, though, are drowned out by the chorus of giggles erupting from everyone else at the table. Oh, Soso...
At another table, Nichols tracks down Piper, who is still holding Alex's card in her hands. Upon seeing who it's from, Nichols says, "Holy shit, dude. Well, what's it say?" Before Piper can answer, Nichols deepens her voice, poofs out her chest, and imitates, "Hey girl, uh, sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me lick your pussy." Words, though, pale in comparison to the real thing, so watch and enjoy:
Soso then turns to Sister Ingalls, hoping her background in social justice may encourage her to join up on Team Hunger Strike. In usual fashion, Soso is wrong. Sister Ingalls dismisses, "Oh honey, it's not Guantanamo." Dejected by everyone's apathy, Soso sits down, saying, "Fine, I'll do it alone." She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths, and upon seeing her vulnerable state, Big Boo gets a big spoon of oatmeal and quietly shoves it into Soso's unsuspecting mouth. Gross. Unsurprisingly, Soso spits it out in disgust and chastises, "That is really disrespectful!" Her whines, though, are drowned out by the chorus of giggles erupting from everyone else at the table. Oh, Soso...
At another table, Nichols tracks down Piper, who is still holding Alex's card in her hands. Upon seeing who it's from, Nichols says, "Holy shit, dude. Well, what's it say?" Before Piper can answer, Nichols deepens her voice, poofs out her chest, and imitates, "Hey girl, uh, sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me lick your pussy." Words, though, pale in comparison to the real thing, so watch and enjoy:
I'd give Natasha Lyonne an Emmy just for that. Brilliant.
A smirk on her face, Piper merely says in response, "Probably, but I don't know. I haven't read it." Shocked at this, Nichols comments on Piper's willpower, asking whether or not she is even curious as to what is inside. Piper: "Of course, I'm curious. It's the first one I haven't thrown away." "So, fucking read it already. I'll do it," commands Nichols, grabbing the letter. Piper grabs it back, saying, "No. That is exactly what she wants. What could she possibly say that I want to hear? Hmm? She's a liar. She's always been a liar...from the very beginning." Nichols responds, "Doesn't everyone lie to everyone?" Well, that's a disconcerting response.
Piper: "She knows that if she keeps sending these, eventually, I will crack, and then she'll apologize, and she'll say all the right things, and fuck that!" I agree, Piper: fuck that. And by "that," I mean Alex. Nichols points out, "But, you're not gonna throw it away either. You miss her." Piper immediately agrees, "Of course, I miss her. I hate that she has this hold on me. I'm so sick of it." Right after she says this, she takes a bite of the oatmeal, and when she grimaces at it's "snot"-like texture, the scene flashes back!
We find ourselves in a lively bar, where a long-haired Piper is drinking a glass of wine and furtively watching Alex and girlfriend, Sylvia, taking shots with friends. It appears Piper is in full-on "stalk" mode. When Alex makes her way towards the bathroom, Piper turns to hide her face, but soon follows after her. Oh boy, here we go! Alex stands by the door, waiting for her turn, when Piper walks up, ogles her from behind, and offers a casual, "Hey." Upon seeing Piper, Alex's face looks part-surprised, part-aroused, and part-fearful. She takes generous inventory of Piper before offering up her own "Hey" in response. Peering over towards where her girlfriend is, Alex ensures the coast is clear before playfully asking, "What are you doing here?" That's a very good question, Ms. Vause.
*Stay cool, Piper. Don't let her know you are madly in love with her*
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*Just be nonchalant and totally uninterested*
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*Damn it!*
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