Published on August 27, 2014
Comic Sans - the world's favorite font (it means business) and the title of episode 2.07 of Orange is the New Black. We begin in Vee's den of inequity, where Watson, Black Cindy, Taystee, and Suzanne are rolling up ciggies for their new business. Or should I say Vee's business, who just so happens to be sitting back and helping out not at all. It's good to be the queen. While in the middle of production, Big Boo pokes her head into the room and alerts, "Cheese it. Fuzz." Man, it's time for some old school jargon up in here, apparently. The ladies scramble, hiding the evidence of their business and positioning themselves around the room to elude suspicion. When the po po checks inside, he is none the wiser and gives the women a tip on keeping things sanitary. Nothing gets past you, sir. Job well done.
As soon as he leaves, the ladies start the tobacco factory back up, while Vee lectures them on what stamps to accept. Suzanne
As soon as he leaves, the ladies start the tobacco factory back up, while Vee lectures them on what stamps to accept. Suzanne
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finishes her pile first, proudly announcing her completion. Vee commends her, "That's very good. Give 'em to Taystee." Confused, Suzanne counters, "But they're mine." Like a mother to her child, Vee: "We had this talk, Suzanne. Remember? We each have skills. Salesmanship, not one of yours." Ouch. While she says this, Suzanne looks on the brink of a full-blown tantrum, but somehow, she reverts back to being calm and collected, handing over her goods to Taystee, reciting, "Gotta make people feel more comfortable." Wow...
In the visiting room, Piper has another white male who has come to see her - but no, it is not Larry - huzzah! Instead, it's the investigative journalist, Andrew, who Larry had an awkward date with in 2.03: Hugs Can Be Deceiving. He tells Piper, "To be honest, Larry wasn't all that cooperative." Tell us something we don't know, Andrew. Piper says upfront, "Here's the thing. My grandmother is very sick, and I'm supposed to get furlough, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Just one example of how the prison system isn't working." Really? That's your number one criticism of the prison system? You don't get to see your nana? Oh, Piper, no. |
Is it just me or does Larry seem a bit like the moon?
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When she gives a laundry list of her complaints, Andrew cuts in, "Inmates are starving. They're getting raped. And it's not like no one's covering this. It's just that no one cares." After this dose of reality, Piper asks, "What do you want me to do?" He gives her a rundown on his hypothesis: he thinks LCF is misappropriating money that is meant for the prison, and he needs to see who LCF is making contracts with and who is receiving checks. I don't know how he thinks Piper is in a position to find this info out. He realizes she's an inmate, right? She brings this exact issue up: "Look, I would love to help you. I really would, but short of breaking into Fig's office and going through her files, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do." I hear that. "I'm not gonna fuck things up for myself by playing high-stakes Harriet the Spy." I don't know if I agree with the proposition that Harriet the Spy wasn't "high stakes," but whatevz. Seeming a bit disappointed, he responds, "Okay, let me know if you change your mind." He gives his condolences to her about her grandmother and this convo is over. I gotta say. It went better than Larry/Piper conversations go. And also better than the Larry/Andrew conversation went. I swear there's a common denominator in there...
Red said she's got some 'violets' for you...
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What? I don't like violets. Who told you I like violets...
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...Red don't know me. You don't know me. Comin' in here telling me...
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Oh for Pete's sake, just come to the fuckin' greenhouse!
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In Sophia's salon, Mendoza comes in for "the usual," but Sophia has other ideas: "I think a nice faux-hawk will give that 'Don't fuck with me' vibe, you know?" In a brilliant deadpan manner, Mendoza replies, "I mostly use my face for that." Ha ha, yes! I love you! Before they can continue with the haircut, one of Red's new posse, Taslitz, comes in with a message for Sophia: "Red said to tell you she's got violets growing." In a reasonable response, Sophia asks, "And I should give a shit about this why? She can grow whatever she wants. I don't give a f-" "Violets," urges Taslitz, clearly trying to convey some underlying meaning. Realizing whatever is being said in code, Sophia finally answers, "Ohhh, you're right. I'll come check that out." I know not what is happenin'. Mendoza echoes this sentiment, "Every day in this place, I get more confused." Something's in the works and Red's on the move.
In the bathroom, Nichols finds Taystee waiting for her in a shower stall. Taystee demands stamps, but Nichols asks her what's going on first. Discreetly, Taystee pulls out a box of tampons, causing Nichols to sass, "Man, look, I appreciate your concern, but
In the bathroom, Nichols finds Taystee waiting for her in a shower stall. Taystee demands stamps, but Nichols asks her what's going on first. Discreetly, Taystee pulls out a box of tampons, causing Nichols to sass, "Man, look, I appreciate your concern, but
I swear, this is like looking upon the face of God
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I'm actually well covered on the menstruation front." In no mood for her sarcasm, Taystee tells her, "Just take one." With a skeptical look, she pulls one out and finds a nicely rolled smoke hidden inside an applicator. Nichols says in awe, "Hail Mary, full of grace." Then in a moment of badass science, Taystee shows Nichols the "Litchfield lighter," a battery with foil touching both ends. Cooool! When Nichols takes the first drag, she declares, "Man, it's like the third best day of my entire life." Oh goodness, I hope that's not true.
Then it's time for Sophia to find out what exactly Red is up to. She makes her way into the greenhouse and Red directs her to close the door behind her. As she nears, Red pulls up a potted plant to reveal beauty supplies underneath for Sophia. While collecting her goodies, Sophia comments, "It is a mystery to me how you people ever lost the Cold War." Thank you? Red tells her there's even more as she grabs a bag of gummy bears as payment for Sophia's salon services. In response, Sophia asks, "You ever been kissed by a six foot, Black, transgender woman?" Sadly, Red declines the offer. Missed opportunity, Red! She does, though, assure her that she can get anything she wants for her. Then looking towards Sophia's "special |
place," she revises, "Within reason." Classy. Sophia promises, "I'll be back," and it appears we've got another person on Team Red. From the looks of it, General Red and General Vee are amassing their armies as we speak - through cigs and contraband.
Over in the cafeteria line, Soso is chatting up Piper, lamenting the difficulty she is having being a vegetarian in prison. Piper replies, "You know, and I respect that, but under the present circumstances, I'm pretty sure that even...even Paul McCartney would be all up in a tuna casserole." I don't know if anyone really ever gets "all up in" a tuna casserole, but yeah, good luck if you're a vegetarian in prison. And vegans...may God have mercy on your souls. While scooting her tray down the line, Daya calls out to Piper and asks, "You think that me and Gonzalez could help you out with that newsletter thing?" Piper immediately welcomes them aboard, and then uses this moment to ask Daya, "Do you know anything about the kitchen vendors? Like which company delivers the groceries." Daya's answer: "Some guys in a truck." Ah, she will be very useful.
Over in the cafeteria line, Soso is chatting up Piper, lamenting the difficulty she is having being a vegetarian in prison. Piper replies, "You know, and I respect that, but under the present circumstances, I'm pretty sure that even...even Paul McCartney would be all up in a tuna casserole." I don't know if anyone really ever gets "all up in" a tuna casserole, but yeah, good luck if you're a vegetarian in prison. And vegans...may God have mercy on your souls. While scooting her tray down the line, Daya calls out to Piper and asks, "You think that me and Gonzalez could help you out with that newsletter thing?" Piper immediately welcomes them aboard, and then uses this moment to ask Daya, "Do you know anything about the kitchen vendors? Like which company delivers the groceries." Daya's answer: "Some guys in a truck." Ah, she will be very useful.
Do you mind telling me about your experience as a Latina woman in a white-dominated, male-dominated atmosphere?
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Soso: *whispers* You should've asked her in Mexican
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Piper gives up on this abyss of information, moving down the line, with Soso resuming her discussion: "[T]he agro-business complex in this country is completely insane..." From behind, Poussey interrupts, "Bitch, look around you. We in the prison-business complex. A cow breaks me out of here, I'll stop eating meat that day." Is it just me or is everyone else now hoping to see a herd of cows bust down the walls of LCF and telling Poussey, "A deal's a deal." Probably just me.
Piper goes to sit down and when she's looking for a seat, she notices an older inmate, Jimmy, sucking on a big piece of meat by herself. Piper sits down beside her and gently asks if she could cut her meat for her. Jimmy tells her, "Thank you, Roberta." Ha ha, yes, I vote Piper's name be formally changed to Roberta from hereon out. Jimmy goes on to tell Piper about her husband, while Piper continues to prepare her food for her, a smile on her face. They kinda look like they're on a date, or maybe that's just my perverse mind at work. Regardless, what an unexpectedly sweet moment!
Piper goes to sit down and when she's looking for a seat, she notices an older inmate, Jimmy, sucking on a big piece of meat by herself. Piper sits down beside her and gently asks if she could cut her meat for her. Jimmy tells her, "Thank you, Roberta." Ha ha, yes, I vote Piper's name be formally changed to Roberta from hereon out. Jimmy goes on to tell Piper about her husband, while Piper continues to prepare her food for her, a smile on her face. They kinda look like they're on a date, or maybe that's just my perverse mind at work. Regardless, what an unexpectedly sweet moment!