Continued from Page 1 of Orange is the New Black 2.07: Comic Sans
After the meal, Piper's sitting on her bunk, when Morello walks in, looking and sounding very nervous. She opens with an unsteady voice, "Hey, Chapman, I was just wonderin' if maybe you got any room on your newsletter committee that maybe I could join up?" Aww...she looks extremely worried that Piper's going to reject her, which thankfully does not happen. Piper answers, "Let me see. So far, it's me and two Spanish girls, one of whom scares me a little bit, so, yeah. Yeah, I think I can squeeze you in." Relief washing over her, Morello smiles for the first time, telling her, "Oh, that's really good." Piper asks her if she is interested in doing anything specific in the newsletter and she divulges, "Uh, I didn't really get that far. I just thought it'd be good to keep busy, you know?" Awww, you precious, heartbroken, sometimes racist inmate...
If you really want the job, a sexy little dance might persuade me...
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Does this get your motor running?
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Definitely getting some tingles down below...
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Piper proposes, "Well, what about romance?" Damn it, Piper! Morello's head drops at this suggestion and she tells Piper, "I'm trying to stay away from romance-type stuff. Just for a little while." Seeing her initial error, Piper tosses out another idea: "What about a beauty column? You always look so nice." Immediately taking a liking to this possibility, Morello starts to wiggle her hips and responds through a smirk, "Well, you know, just 'cause you're in prison don't mean you got to let it go." She giggles with happiness and agrees to do it. Before leaving, she points at Piper and says, "Thank you, Chapman," before joyously walking out of the cubicle. Awwww, Morello.
Moving to another group of queers, Nichols is in the library and when she sees Poussey, she asks her, "Hey, you got a fag?" Excuse me? Poussey also does a metaphorical double take, asking, "What?" Nichols continues, "A fag. You know, a drag. A butt. A burn." How about you just say "a cigarette", Nichols? Poussey replies, "Look, you talking about cigarettes, you're at the wrong house." Damn right! Poussey goes on to make clear that she is staunchly anti-Vee. Before she can elaborate, the alarm
Moving to another group of queers, Nichols is in the library and when she sees Poussey, she asks her, "Hey, you got a fag?" Excuse me? Poussey also does a metaphorical double take, asking, "What?" Nichols continues, "A fag. You know, a drag. A butt. A burn." How about you just say "a cigarette", Nichols? Poussey replies, "Look, you talking about cigarettes, you're at the wrong house." Damn right! Poussey goes on to make clear that she is staunchly anti-Vee. Before she can elaborate, the alarm
Oh, hi! My name's Poussey. Vee stole my girlfriend. Waaa! Waaa!
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goes off and they both hit the deck.
Lying on the floor like two babies on a playdate, Nichols takes this opportunity to teach the young gay a thing or two. She starts, "Hey, you know that thing that happens to lesbians in high school? How we strike up a really intense best-friendship with a straight girl who's really into it. And we convince ourselves that friends is good, right? Until she gets a boyfriend. We hate that poor asshole with the white-hot heat of a thousand suns - a 'He's not worthy of you' or whatever - when he's probably a decent enough person, I mean as guys go. Because what's really happening is that we're in love with our friend." Yeah, but that dude really was a straight up d-bag! Seriously, if you met him...wait, I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about, Nichols. I can't relate to that story at all... Anyway, Poussey scoffs at Nichols' story, replying, "Yo, why does everybody think I'm in love with her? 'Cause I'm not." Nichols: "Sure, sure. Let's go with that. But in the event that you were having the feels for her - yeah, it turns out that by hating her boyfriend, you're just gonna drive her away. I mean, you gotta suck it up and make him like you." Uh, |
disagree. In this little scenario, Vee is the "boyfriend." The answer is not for Poussey to make Vee like her. Vee is a piece of shee-it and is worthy of the disdain. Rock on, Poussey...but be careful.
Soon after this, Piper comes a-knockin' on Caputo's door, where he's called her in to talk about her newsletter. He tells her, "I've been thinking it could be a good way for us, the administration, to communicate with the inmates - explain our side of things. For instance, this shot-quota thing we got going. You ladies think we're being mean. But we're just doing our job, you know? Things get out of hand, it's bad for everybody." Not on board with this, Piper points out, "That's kind of what fascists say." Caputo jests in amusement, "I may be related to Mussolini on my mother's side. It's a joke." Who kids about being related to a Fascist dictator who was responsible for a horrifying number of deaths?! Joe Caputo, apparently. "Maybe you could put something in the newsletter about the guards. Show everybody we're human." Yeah, you know, like Mussolini. With a mischievous and somewhat demented look on her face, Piper grabs a pen and stack of Post-It notes and says, "So, uh...tell me...what do you like to do in your spare time?" Yikes, I am creeped out.
Soon after this, Piper comes a-knockin' on Caputo's door, where he's called her in to talk about her newsletter. He tells her, "I've been thinking it could be a good way for us, the administration, to communicate with the inmates - explain our side of things. For instance, this shot-quota thing we got going. You ladies think we're being mean. But we're just doing our job, you know? Things get out of hand, it's bad for everybody." Not on board with this, Piper points out, "That's kind of what fascists say." Caputo jests in amusement, "I may be related to Mussolini on my mother's side. It's a joke." Who kids about being related to a Fascist dictator who was responsible for a horrifying number of deaths?! Joe Caputo, apparently. "Maybe you could put something in the newsletter about the guards. Show everybody we're human." Yeah, you know, like Mussolini. With a mischievous and somewhat demented look on her face, Piper grabs a pen and stack of Post-It notes and says, "So, uh...tell me...what do you like to do in your spare time?" Yikes, I am creeped out.
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Outside of the prison, Larry opens his front door to find Polly pushing past him into the apartment. He turns around to greet her, when she open-palm slaps him right in his face. YES! Polly questions, "What is the matter with you?! You show up at my house like fucking Squiggy with a hard-on. Maybe next time you decide to make some deranged declaration of love to an emotional zombie with a blocked milk duct and a husband who recently purchased an Aleutian hunting spear, you could consider calling first." Larry tries to calm her: "Okay, look Polly, I'm spiraling out, okay? I am. I...I...you know, you have this idea of what your life is supposed to..." "No, I can't do this, Larry!" interjects Polly before Larry can continue his aggravating trip down "Larry Bloom Self-Analysis Lane."
Polly continues, "I'm serious. It's just stupid. I mean, yes, we were friends before we even started dating Pete and Piper. And yes, you drove me to the hospital when I was in labor and handled all the paperwork and the nurses. And yes, you were the only one there for me when my husband checked out of fatherhood, so he could go on a month-long mission of self-exploration." Uh...is it me or is Polly saying "and, yes" more than I'm comfortable with. Suddenly, her rambling takes a turn for the worse: "And you're funny, but also boring |
Fair warning: I am super gassy right now...
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in all the right ways, and...What the hell am I saying? Just fuck me." *GASP! POLLY! Can we just take a time out right now and talk about "good decision-making"? The answer to this: no. She grabs Larry and gives him a big hello with her tongue.
Like the idiot that he is, Larry starts talking while they're kissing, saying, "I don't know what this means." You're so, so stupid, Larry! For some reason beyond my understanding, Polly gave you the okay to have sex with her - after you planted one on her already - and now, you need clarity? He pushes her off of him, explaining, "I haven't had sex in months, so there's a better-than-average chance that I could..." Polly orders, "Just shut the fuck up, Larry." Thank you, Polly. I mean, you also have now fallen from grace into the eternal pit of "Larry Bloom taint," but hey, if this keeps Larry and Piper from being together, I have no problem with you taking one for the team. I will say one thing - y'all don't know how friendship works...or, you know, wedding vows.
Back where the world makes sense - prison - Big Boo tracks down Red to see if she can get some matches so she can smoke. Red laughs at this request, asking what there would even be to smoke in LCF. Big Boo: "The Black girls got cigs." This gets Red's
Like the idiot that he is, Larry starts talking while they're kissing, saying, "I don't know what this means." You're so, so stupid, Larry! For some reason beyond my understanding, Polly gave you the okay to have sex with her - after you planted one on her already - and now, you need clarity? He pushes her off of him, explaining, "I haven't had sex in months, so there's a better-than-average chance that I could..." Polly orders, "Just shut the fuck up, Larry." Thank you, Polly. I mean, you also have now fallen from grace into the eternal pit of "Larry Bloom taint," but hey, if this keeps Larry and Piper from being together, I have no problem with you taking one for the team. I will say one thing - y'all don't know how friendship works...or, you know, wedding vows.
Back where the world makes sense - prison - Big Boo tracks down Red to see if she can get some matches so she can smoke. Red laughs at this request, asking what there would even be to smoke in LCF. Big Boo: "The Black girls got cigs." This gets Red's
Pencilstache
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attention. After taking a minute to digest this, she answers, "Boo, much as I'd like to help you spend the rest of your life in solitary, I'm busy. Come back later and I'll see about getting you some...cookies or something." Frustrated with this response, Big Boo turns to leave and on her way out, she gives a small kick to an empty folding chair in her way. Officer Maxwell sees this and immediately announces, "That's a shot, inmate." When she challenges this, Maxwell warns her that she'll add another, and that shuts her up. With Caputo's new five-shots-a-week rule for guards, LCF has become an even less pleasant place to be than usual.
In the library, Piper is having her first staff meeting for her newsletter, and she starts by proposing, "So, I'm thinking that Lorna can be assistant editor, help us come up with ideas of things to write about and people to write them." Candidate Morello, meanwhile, is proving her suitability for this position by balancing a pen on her upper lip (see the pic to the left). |
She's got my vote! Flaca asks, "So, you got two white girls in charge?" Realizing what she's done, Piper grimaces and lets out an "Ah, shit." Flaca argues, "I just think it should be based on who earned it, is all. I did yearbook in high school, so..." "Yearbook isn't even a real class," counters Morello. "You just take photographs and smoke weed. Everybody knows that." Yeah, that is kinda true. Morello then presents a column she has already written, and Flaca grabs it off the table to review herself.
Daya then shows Piper her comic, which features zoo animals in place of prisoners. Piper asks, "Why is the walrus in such a bad mood?" Quietly, Daya tells her, "Oh, that's, um, Mr. Healy." Pfft, way to go, Daya! With this answer, Piper commends, "This is fantastic." Across the room, Flaca calls out, "You already made your first mistake. If you 'could care less,' that means you still care. You know what I'm saying? 'Cause, like, it is possible for you to care less." Shaking her confused head, Morello says, "No. No. I'm saying is however much you care, I could care less than you." Oh God...really, Piper? She was your first choice as assistant editor? Flaca insists that the correct phrase is "I couldn't care less," but Morello is have ninguno of this, rolling her eyes and rudely gesturing at her.
Daya then shows Piper her comic, which features zoo animals in place of prisoners. Piper asks, "Why is the walrus in such a bad mood?" Quietly, Daya tells her, "Oh, that's, um, Mr. Healy." Pfft, way to go, Daya! With this answer, Piper commends, "This is fantastic." Across the room, Flaca calls out, "You already made your first mistake. If you 'could care less,' that means you still care. You know what I'm saying? 'Cause, like, it is possible for you to care less." Shaking her confused head, Morello says, "No. No. I'm saying is however much you care, I could care less than you." Oh God...really, Piper? She was your first choice as assistant editor? Flaca insists that the correct phrase is "I couldn't care less," but Morello is have ninguno of this, rolling her eyes and rudely gesturing at her.