On the other side of the room, Soso has Sophia captive in a conversation and is, as usual, droning on and on about a theory on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, while Sister Ingalls tries to enjoy the music. As Soso's voice continues uninterrupted, eventually something snaps inside of Sister Ingalls and she whips around like she's possessed and screams at Soso, "WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Yesssss! Sister Ingalls! Praise be and hallelujah! Taking this opportunity to exit this conversation, Sophia bolts as Soso just looks deeply offended. Amused, Nichols saunters up to Sister Ingalls and advises, "Next time, just sit on her face. It shuts her right up." "I'll keep that in mind," replies Sister Ingalls. Ah, so, so good.
Go fuck yourself sideways!
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Soso: That came out of nowhere, right?
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Sophia: I'm out
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After this explosion of wonderful, Big Boo hunts down Nichols to accuse, "You know, that's a fucking low blow, even for a filthy sewer rat like you, Nichols. Really. You told people I have crabs." Snorting, Nichols asks, "You just found out about that?" So, she's not sorry, I take it. Big Boo: "It is cheating!" Nichols is unmoved, advising she get over it and move on. They both report their current scores in the Bang-Off (is that still happening?) and apparently, they're tied. Upon this realization, both hesitate and then blurt out simultaneously - Nichols: "Hey, do you wanna just stop?" Big Boo: "Have you considered maybe we just stop?" Seeing their mutual desire for an end to the madness, Nichols affectionately puts her arm around Big Boo's shoulders, saying, "Remind me why we did this to ourselves in the first place." I don't know, but I am so glad that this is over. The Bang-Off is officially fini.
It is now Suzanne's turn to define what love is to her: "It's like you become more you, which normally is like *rapid hand gesturing* but now it's okay...because the person, like, whoever, they chose to take all that on. All that weird stuff, whatever's wrong or bad
It is now Suzanne's turn to define what love is to her: "It's like you become more you, which normally is like *rapid hand gesturing* but now it's okay...because the person, like, whoever, they chose to take all that on. All that weird stuff, whatever's wrong or bad
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or hiding in you - suddenly, it's all right. You don't feel like such a freak anymore." Awwww, Suzanne. You beautiful lady, you!
Unfortunately, during this touching definition, the screen cuts to Larry Bloom carrying what appears to be a body bag into an apartment building. Polly walks out of the elevator, and Larry, eyes locked on her, suddenly throws the bag to the floor and says, "Would the moon do this?" He grabs Polly's face and plants a kiss right on her lips...and she...just kinda looks at him, but doesn't pull away. WHY POLLY WHY?! Then Pete yells from afar and comes bounding down the stairs, missing their kiss by a few seconds. Larry looks at Polly, trying to glean how she feels about it, while Polly stands there, looking stunned. Pete welcomes, "Larry, good to see you, mate." Ugh, he called you "mate," you piece of shit! How dare you! Clueless Pete wraps his arm around Polly, giving her a peck on her head, and asks Larry what's in the bag. He answers, "It's Piper's stuff." Well, at least that means the break up seems to be back "on." Pete generously invites Larry out with Polly and him for ramen, calling him "Brother" and taking the bags of Piper's stuff off his hands. I hope this eats away at you, Larry Bloom! Curse you for violating the sacred |
That kiss tasted of desperation and broken dreams
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bonds of friendship! Pete walks out the door, and Polly soon follows, giving Larry a WTF look. Yeah, man, WTF?
Back in LCF, the Valentine's Day party is in full swing, but we find Morello sitting by herself in a depressed funk. Suzanne sits down beside her and pulls out the wedding invitation she had found earlier. Suzanne...what are you doing? She tells Morello, "I found this in your trash." At least, she's honest. Morello snatches it from her immediately and hides it beneath her arm in embarrassment. Suzanne tells her, "Yeah, I know something about loving people who aren't smart enough to wanna be loved back, but I learned a secret that I can tell you...They don't deserve it." *tearful clapping
A smile creeps onto Morello's face, but she leans over and tells Suzanne, "He's ruined this day for me forever. Nobody knows that we're not together." "Yeah, but you do," responds Suzanne. She touches Morello's chest over her heart and the two break into laughter, as tears slide down Morello's face. While Suzanne wipes away a tear, Morello confides, "You know what is crazy? I still wanna believe in all of this [love] stuff. Even after everything that's happened. Isn't that sad?" Suzanne, taking her hand: "Oh, no. I think that's brave." Morello gives her heartfelt thanks to Suzanne and the two of them embrace. GAH, my heart is bursting from the feelings this scene is forcing me to feel. This scene is the emotional equivalent of the ending of Homeward Bound, exhausting me and leaving me to drown in my tears of joy. I've decided that Morello, Suzanne, and Poussey need to be placed in a protective biosphere for sad queer ladies, where only hugs and puppies exist because I can't watch them be sad anymore. I really can't.
Back in LCF, the Valentine's Day party is in full swing, but we find Morello sitting by herself in a depressed funk. Suzanne sits down beside her and pulls out the wedding invitation she had found earlier. Suzanne...what are you doing? She tells Morello, "I found this in your trash." At least, she's honest. Morello snatches it from her immediately and hides it beneath her arm in embarrassment. Suzanne tells her, "Yeah, I know something about loving people who aren't smart enough to wanna be loved back, but I learned a secret that I can tell you...They don't deserve it." *tearful clapping
A smile creeps onto Morello's face, but she leans over and tells Suzanne, "He's ruined this day for me forever. Nobody knows that we're not together." "Yeah, but you do," responds Suzanne. She touches Morello's chest over her heart and the two break into laughter, as tears slide down Morello's face. While Suzanne wipes away a tear, Morello confides, "You know what is crazy? I still wanna believe in all of this [love] stuff. Even after everything that's happened. Isn't that sad?" Suzanne, taking her hand: "Oh, no. I think that's brave." Morello gives her heartfelt thanks to Suzanne and the two of them embrace. GAH, my heart is bursting from the feelings this scene is forcing me to feel. This scene is the emotional equivalent of the ending of Homeward Bound, exhausting me and leaving me to drown in my tears of joy. I've decided that Morello, Suzanne, and Poussey need to be placed in a protective biosphere for sad queer ladies, where only hugs and puppies exist because I can't watch them be sad anymore. I really can't.
It's ridiculous. I mean, it was just a tiny bomb...
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Holy shit, this bitch be crey
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Away from the party, Maritza and Flaca are hanging out in the empty kitchen, discussing Flaca's sucky boyfriend. Maritza, who has a paper penis stuck to her forehead by the way, tells Flaca, "You know what gets me? We're wasting the best years of our lives in here. Like, our tits are never gonna look better. Our asses are never gonna look better. You know, no one's touching my ass. No one's kissing my lips." The romantic that she is, Flaca says, "Shit. I'll kiss your dumb lips." What a way to begin a love story - a penis on your head and someone saying "Shit, I'll kiss your dumb lips." Their lips meet in a short, but sweet kiss. Afterwards, Maritza gazes at Flaca and she says, "Do it again." Thankfully, Flaca removes the paper penis from Maritza's forehead and the two share a much longer, more passionate kiss. When they pull back, they both erupt into laughter, realizing that they are not meant to be romantically. But that's not what this was about anyway. It was about finding comfort in a place where such a thing is all too rare. Maritza softly tells Flaca, "Come here," and Flaca rests
One of my favorite pictures of all time
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her head on Maritza's shoulder as they quietly share a moment between them. God bless this show - even the straights give it a gay go once in a while.
Back in the cafeteria, dancing is happening, and of the inmates dancing, there is one alone who is deserving of special attention - who else, but Suzanne, who appears to be doing a form of riverdancing. It is everything I never knew I wanted. Taystee is also getting down and when she sees Poussey on the side, she goes over and tells her, "Yo, P. Come and show these fools how to cabbage patch for real." Not in the mood, Poussey's face sours and she replies, "Nah, I'm good." Uh oh. Taystee complains, "Man, don't act like everything fine. Like this.." "Yo! I don't interrupt you when you going to town on a bunch of spaghetti. Damn!" yells Poussey. Oh no! That's not nice! "Yo, why don't you head on back to old Erykah Badu over there?" Taystee: "I'm gonna forget you said that." Poussey harshly responds, "I don't give a fuck what you forget or remember!" Wow, that escalated quickly. Before we can really process that, the scene flashes back to Germany, where Poussey confronts Franziska's father at an event. She orders him to give her his attention, and when he does not do so and continues to eat his ice cream, she kicks the table that he is sitting at aggressively, and yells, |
"Hey!" Annoyed, he raises his eyes to meet hers, asking, "Well?" She curses at him, "Fuck you. Fuck you, man. This is your doing. You! You don't get to decide what happens to my life! Not you. I love her." She ekes out this last part through her tears, but he coldly replies, "And that is why you're going home." Ach! What an Arschloch!
Horrified by his response, she tells him, "I'm done. I'm not going anywhere..." She reaches into the waistband of her pants to pull out a gun, but her father grabs her before she can pull it all the way out. Holy crap, Poussey! This dude's bad for sure, but come on! What were you thinking? Feeling her father's arm around her, Poussey begins to sob. Her father calmly says, "Pardon us, Oberstleutnant. Enjoy your ice cream." As they turn to leave, Franziska's father says, "You know, there are programs that can change your daughter's confused predilections." Oh my goodness, he's the wurst! Get it...wurst? Ha ha...I'm so sorry. I apologize for myself. Anyway, in response to this disgusting statement, Poussey's dad looks him directly in the eye and asserts, "Thanks, but she's fine." *LOUD CLAPPING THROUGH TEARS! Mr. Washington, you are a dream man! This is awful and wonderful all at once.
Horrified by his response, she tells him, "I'm done. I'm not going anywhere..." She reaches into the waistband of her pants to pull out a gun, but her father grabs her before she can pull it all the way out. Holy crap, Poussey! This dude's bad for sure, but come on! What were you thinking? Feeling her father's arm around her, Poussey begins to sob. Her father calmly says, "Pardon us, Oberstleutnant. Enjoy your ice cream." As they turn to leave, Franziska's father says, "You know, there are programs that can change your daughter's confused predilections." Oh my goodness, he's the wurst! Get it...wurst? Ha ha...I'm so sorry. I apologize for myself. Anyway, in response to this disgusting statement, Poussey's dad looks him directly in the eye and asserts, "Thanks, but she's fine." *LOUD CLAPPING THROUGH TEARS! Mr. Washington, you are a dream man! This is awful and wonderful all at once.
You are ruining this ice cream social!
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RUDENESS!
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To end this episode of emotional trauma, it is finally Piper's turn to give her definition of love and looking straight at the screen, she quietly says: "It's like coming home after a long trip. That's what love is like. It's like coming home." She looks a bit lost and her eyes begin to water while she's saying this. Oh, Piper. Oh, everyone. Well, this Valentine's Day went about as well as they usually go. This is why I prefer Galentine's Day and always will. Happy Galentine's Day everyone!
Continued to the recap of Orange is the New Black 2.07: Comic Sans
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