Continued from Page 2 of Orange is the New Black 2.05: Low Self Esteem City
Out in the hallway, the Bang-Off participants are meeting with the head referee. Nichols interrogates, "Chang, are you confirming these bangs, or are you just taking her word for it?" Chang explains, "I don't smell fingers. I just write numbers." Lord Jesus, that is disgusting. "She got five points. You, zilcho." Morello tries to calm Nicky down, "It's just a game, Nichols," but she's having none of it: "Yeah, but it's not a game unless it's being played fairly." To this, Big Boo jumps in: "What's that smell? Nichols, you got a new fragrance? Oh yeah, it's desperation. You might wanna wash because girls turn right off when they smell that." Damn, you know it's bad when Big Boo is taking shots at you, and you've got nothing to say. When Chang follows Big Boo out, she comments, "My finger smells like an old tennis ball." Oh, heavens, why?!
I love the smell of flappy-flappy thingies in the morning
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Oh good God, she's ruining "gay" for us
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Nichols laments, "God, I screwed myself. I mean, two days I wasted on Officer Twat Tease." Morello calmly points out, "You were too ambitious." Nichols corrects, "I was arrogant. It's a classic story of hubris. I'm like Icarus whose wings melted before he could fuck the sun." Well, there's nothing to correct there. Totes accurate. Sweetheart Morello offers up, "You could always tell people
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she got herpes." When Nichols doesn't dismiss this idea, a proud Morello brags, "People always forget to remember I'm tricksy, huh? It ain't over yet." She gives Nichols an encouraging slap on the ass, and damn it, if I don't love that frighteningly crazy Lorna Morello! Nichols amends the plan, claiming, "But herpes is way too pedestrian. Maybe I'll say it's that new super gonorrhea." Morello nods her head, saying, "Oh yeah, I read about that." Man, I love those two.
And then, we see Larry Bloom walk onto our screens! Oh, boo. The conversation with Piper begins as expected - awkward, but polite. Larry tells her, "My dad, he told me about Chicago and the SHU. God, Piper, I'm so sorry." Aww. Wait, am I aw-ing Larry Bloom? And I already aw-ed Pennsatucky?! The world is upside-down right now! He tells Piper he's just returning from hanging out with Polly. AGAIN? I do not like where that's heading. After some more light conversation, Larry finally asks, "Piper, why didn't you call sooner?" Piper: "We broke up. And I guess I've been imagining I could be this person who doesn't depend on |
Dis bitch again...
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anybody...or lets anybody depend on me...It's nice to hear your voice." At the end of this, a tear slips silently down her face. Larry reciprocates the sentiment and tells her, "I've missed you." With equal sincerity, Piper admits, "I've missed you, too, Larry." Oh no. Damn it, Healy! If your furlough idea causes a backsliding into the nightmare that is the Larry/Piper ship, I will hold you personally responsible!
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