Continued from Page 1 of Orange is the New Black 2.05: Low Self Esteem City
In the television room, Nichols is watching a cooking show, when Big Boo comes in to let her know "Gruber's out of play." Apparently, Big Boo just did the deed with her "in the woodshed. Behind the bandsaw. Everybody else was making a shelf, and we were making L-O-V-E." Nichols responds, "Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not sure that's how you spell 'gross,' but congratulations, Boo. You got yourself a one-pointer." Hahaha, yes! Nichols informs Boo that she's only going after high-point-yielding marks and proceeds to innocently ask Office Fischer, "Would you mind turning the volume up for me on the television? It's just that it's kind of low." Fischer, being the unreasonably pleasant woman she is, replies, "Sure, Nichols," as she happily does as asked. After she does this, Nichols compliments, "Hey, you look lovely today, by the way." Touched, Fischer responds with redness in her cheeks and complete sincerity, "Well, thank you." Oh, Fischer, you innocent straight girl, you.
As soon as Fischer exits the room, Nichols' face hardens and she whips back around towards Boo, telling her, "See, I'm not interested in running some sweaty fallopian relay race. I look at this like an art form." "Sweaty fallopian relay race"? Ewww, that is not a term I needed to ever learn during my lifetime. Clearly, I am not Bang-Off material. The lexicon alone disturbs me. Arms crossed, Big Boo warns, "You're out of your depth," but Nichols remains confident: "My depth has no depth. I'm a sexual Steve Jobs, and that bitch is worth 10 points." I'm not even religious, but I am going to continue to urge both of them to find Jesus.
As soon as Fischer exits the room, Nichols' face hardens and she whips back around towards Boo, telling her, "See, I'm not interested in running some sweaty fallopian relay race. I look at this like an art form." "Sweaty fallopian relay race"? Ewww, that is not a term I needed to ever learn during my lifetime. Clearly, I am not Bang-Off material. The lexicon alone disturbs me. Arms crossed, Big Boo warns, "You're out of your depth," but Nichols remains confident: "My depth has no depth. I'm a sexual Steve Jobs, and that bitch is worth 10 points." I'm not even religious, but I am going to continue to urge both of them to find Jesus.
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This is the worst nudy Judy I've ever been sent
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Over in Piper's cubicle, Red returns and notices Piper sadly staring at a picture on her cot. She asks, "What's the matter with you?" After first trying to claim that nothing is wrong, Piper admits, "My grandmother is sick." Red tells her, "Oh...I thought maybe I caught you with a porn." Whose porn is contained in a lone 3 by 5 photo? I think I'd rather do without. Officer O'Neill comes in and announces that it's "Count Time," so Piper and Red line up outside their bunk. While waiting for inspection to be completed, Red inquires as to what happened with her grandmother. Piper: "She scraped her foot turning laps in the pool. When it wasn't healing, she went in to see the doctor, and it turns out her kidney levels were off the charts. So, they put her on dialysis, and then she got an infection." Red comments, "That's how it happens. It all goes at once. Like internal organ dominoes. I'm sorry. That's probably not what you want to hear." Probably not, but it's nice to see you guys being friendly.
Piper tells Red, "It's all right. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm trying to follow your lead, actually. Be strong. Suffer in silence." She then quotes a line from the Clive Owen film, Croupier: "Hang on tightly. Let go lightly." Red rejects this supposed "wisdom,"
Piper tells Red, "It's all right. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm trying to follow your lead, actually. Be strong. Suffer in silence." She then quotes a line from the Clive Owen film, Croupier: "Hang on tightly. Let go lightly." Red rejects this supposed "wisdom,"
ANSWER ME!
Do you happen to know a 5-letter word for "nagging shrew"?
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ferociously espousing: "Fuck Clive Owen. Don't ever let go. Not until they make you." While saying this, she stares determinedly at Murphy across the way, who is still refusing to speak with her. Damn, Red is such a badass.
Later, Piper comes a-knockin' on Healy's door, asking a minute of his time. He greets her by saying, "Glad to see you're looking well." "Are you?" fires Piper. Oooh, girl. Watch yourself. After letting that comment slide, Healy asks, "What can I do for you?" Piper answers, "My grandmother is very ill. I know that you probably don't grant furlough for things like this, and even if you did, I don't expect you would ever give it to me. But I could not live with myself if I did not at least ask. Could you please give me furlough to see my grandmother?" Healy: "Furlough is like the Loch Ness Monster. Much discussed and rarely seen." Trying to refrain from snapping, Piper calmly challenges, "But don't you have the power to at least apply?" Healy's answer to this: "I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you." Taking a moment to swallow this rejection, Piper quietly gets up to leave, but before she walks out the door, she accuses, "You just stood there. You stood there...while she attacked me! And then you gave her new teeth!" Head down and avoiding look at her, Healy responds, "I was nowhere near the incident, as Doggett will corroborate, I assure you." You piece of shit! Have some balls to admit what you did! Seething, Piper continues, "I know that I overstepped my bounds, but I...I could've been killed!" Still refusing to make eye contact, Healy answers, "Were I there to intervene, I most certainly would have. I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thanks for stopping by." Gah! Seeing she's getting nowhere, Piper storms off in disgust, and Healy continues to reside on my "Scourge of Humanity" list. |
By the telephones, Officer Fischer is monitoring the inmates' calls when Nichols approaches in an effort to close the deal. They make small talk about what one of the inmate's phone call is regarding, when Fischer says, "I wish I could give her her privacy, but it's my job to stand here." Nichols responds, "It's fine. I mean, not everybody wants their privacy. I know I don't." Furrowing her eyebrows, Fischer asks, "Yeah?" In a quieter tone, Nichols tells her, "Yeah, well, you know, I like privacy, but not alone privacy." Looking a bit leery of Nichols at this point, Fischer says, "I'm not sure what that means." Nichols: "It means I work in electrical, so I know all the spots where the cameras don't work. You know, if you're ever feeling curious about other things." Ew. This is all so creepy. After an extended silence, Fischer finally instructs, "Do you have a phone call to make? Because if not, I suggest you move on. Now inmate!" Swing and a miss! Nichols, you're out!
Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, when Poussey takes her first bite of food, she immediately spits it back out into her napkin. She's not the only one to do that at her table. Apparently, Vee and Co. received special trays with oversalted food, as retribution for the current war between the Black women and the Latinas over the bathrooms. Poussey complains, "Man, they fucking with us this way 'cause they know our people's predisposition for hypertension." Yes, I'm certain that's exactly why they did this. Suzanne,
Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, when Poussey takes her first bite of food, she immediately spits it back out into her napkin. She's not the only one to do that at her table. Apparently, Vee and Co. received special trays with oversalted food, as retribution for the current war between the Black women and the Latinas over the bathrooms. Poussey complains, "Man, they fucking with us this way 'cause they know our people's predisposition for hypertension." Yes, I'm certain that's exactly why they did this. Suzanne,
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though, doesn't seem to mind their highly seasoned cuisine. She advises, "The secret is pretend the salt is sugar." Hmmm....no.
Daya then happens to walk near their table, so Watson calls out to her, "Hey, I want a new tray." With a shrug of her shoulders, Daya tells her, "Sorry. You get what you get." In response, Watson kicks her foot out in front of Daya's legs, tripping her, while yelling, "Bullshit! You can't mess with my food! I wasn't part of that shit!" Baby-daddy Bennett sees this and roughly grabs Watson from behind and slams her to the floor. He screams, "You cannot do that!" After disabling Watson, he then goes over to check on Daya, and, uh...it's pretty obvious that they're in a relaysh. Regardless, this incident leaves a bad taste in the Black inmates' mouths, and clearly, the tension between the Latinas and them is only growing. Later on, Piper's at Healy's door again, but this time at Healy's request. Uh oh. When she sits down, he informs her, "I'm submitting you for a three-day furlough. There are no guarantees, but I'm gonna do my best to try to push it forward." Huh? What's he up to? "I'm assuming that you're gonna be staying with your fiancé. I need to write down an address." Stunned, Piper can only respond, "Yes, of course." Healy asks, "Would you like to call him to make |
Bennett: My sweet baby angel, how's our little niña?
Daya: What the hell is a niña? |
sure?" She promises, "I'll call right away. Thank you, Mr. Healy." He smiles and replies, "I think it's only fair that we give it a shot. It's the least we can do." Is Pennsatucky going to be driving the van home? i don't trust this at all. When she gets up to leave, he adds, "And Chapman...I'm responsible for you." Ew, get out of here, bro. Not understanding this, but not wanting to ruin what's been set into place, Piper smartly ducks out of the room, leaving Healy to creep by himself.