Continued from Page 4 of Orange is the New Black 2.04: A Whole Other Hole
Outside of LCF, Polly and Larry are hanging out...again. Okay. Sure. They're both lying back comfortably on the couch, with their arms touching, when Larry tells Polly, "I loved playing house with you today. I don't know if I'm ever gonna have that." Polly immediately assures him, "Yeah, you will. Shut the fuck up." He sighs deeply and says, "I don't want to go home." "Good. I don't want you to. You're saving my life and my sanity. Plus, you change diapers, and I can pay you with leftover Jamaican food," responds Polly. Heh, heh, okay. This is totally normal. They share a lengthy look, when Polly confides, "Honestly, Larry, I really
Polly: God, your breasts are almost as soft as Piper's
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wouldn't have made it through this week without you. Thank you." She leans over and gives him a soft kiss on his cheek, in a location dangerously close to his mouth.
Throughout this scene, I feel like a school principal at a middle school dance, cautiously eyeing the two of them and looking for "inappropriate behavior." I keep wanting to yell, "Leave room for Jesus!" at them, as they were uncomfortably close. I'm sure I'm just being crazy. Polly's married!...to Pete!...and is a wonderful human being! I have zero concerns. In LCF, Sophia is doing God's work by teaching all of the inmates, and any guards in the area, about the magical world of the vagina. She even has a nicely drawn visual aid. What a pro! She urges, "Now, ladies, I want each and every one of you to go back to your bunks tonight and get to know your own chachas, okay?" Now, THIS is how you properly do sex education. No shame, just open and honest discourse. Black Cindy |
says in astonishment, "No fucking way. I got a mons pubis!" It's ridiculously adorable. I mean, just look at how excited she is: Black Cindy's "Mons Pubis" Face. Sophia encourages this response, affirming, "Yes, you do. And you also have a labia majora and a clitoral hood. Now, for those of you who are having trouble finding your clitoris or your partner is having trouble finding your clitoris, you might have to pull back the clitoral hood to expose it." Let's everyone give Professor Burset a hand for spreading the Gospel of the Hooha in such a lovely way!
Later that evening, it's movie night and Michael J. Fox's Secret of My Success is on screen. The victorious Nichols sits with her arm around Soso, as Big Boo gives her the stink eye from down the row. Seeing her jealousy, Nichols gives Soso's left breast a gentle fondle, causing Big Boo to mouth "Asshole" her way. Then, turning in anger towards Piper, Big Boo holds out the afghan blanket towards her and once Piper is watching her, Boo proceeds to wipe the blanket across her...let's just say "mons pubis." Oh, that poor blanket didn't deserve that at all, and now, it is forever tainted. Piper's face predictably contorts in revulsion at this vile act, and it looks like Operation: Get My Shit Back did not achieve a 100% success rate.
Later that evening, it's movie night and Michael J. Fox's Secret of My Success is on screen. The victorious Nichols sits with her arm around Soso, as Big Boo gives her the stink eye from down the row. Seeing her jealousy, Nichols gives Soso's left breast a gentle fondle, causing Big Boo to mouth "Asshole" her way. Then, turning in anger towards Piper, Big Boo holds out the afghan blanket towards her and once Piper is watching her, Boo proceeds to wipe the blanket across her...let's just say "mons pubis." Oh, that poor blanket didn't deserve that at all, and now, it is forever tainted. Piper's face predictably contorts in revulsion at this vile act, and it looks like Operation: Get My Shit Back did not achieve a 100% success rate.
You wantsies?
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How 'bout some of this-ies?
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You bitchsies!
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Meanwhile, Poussey walks in late to the film, and when she goes to find a seat with Vee, Suzanne, Watson, and, of course, Taystee, oddly, no room has been made. Taystee, avoiding looking at Poussey directly, offers a terse, "Sorry." A hurt tone in her voice, Poussey asks, "You didn't save me a seat? You always save me a seat." Taystee merely shrugs and answers, "You know how people are." Uh, yeah, we do, but you're not just "people," Taystee! Vee leans over and chastises, "Maybe you should get
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here on time." Maybe you should shut up, Vee! Rudeness! Not that I don't value punctuality. I do very much, but still, for goodness sakes, Taystee, you spooned with her earlier! Looking like a wounded animal, Poussey walks away to find a seat with the white girls. Yeah, that's no good.
Meanwhile, one of those white girls, Morello, sits in the back row with the saddest face I have ever seen (see: image to the right), while holding the "Love Lives Here" teddy bear close to her chest. As she watches this 80s film (man, Morello loves the 80s!), her eyes fill with tears and she starts to choke on her own stifled sobs. Yoga Jones asks, "Are you okay?" Morello ekes out, "I'm fine. I'm just...I'm missing my fiancé, Christopher, is all." Yoga Jones instructs her to breathe deeply and comforts, "Time is all relative. You'll be together before you know it." Mmmm...no...no, she won't. Morello adds, "And married. We'll be married." No...that's not true either. Morello says to no one in particular, "I've decided not to wear a veil. It's too traditional. And I want him to see my face." When Yoga Jones compliments this decision, Morello breaks out into a tear-streaked smile, and it's utterly heartbreaking, while also being truly terrifying. Oh, |
Mr. Bear: Someone...please...save...me
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Morello, I love you, but you need professional help! There's no shame in it. I'm worried and more importantly, Mr. Bear is worried. Lorna...please! Do it for Mr. Bear!
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