Continued from Page 2 of Orange is the New Black 2.04: A Whole Other Hole
Over in another block, Poussey is finishing up painting Taystee's toenails, and admittedly, they come out looking terrible. Poussey claims that her work is "abstract," but Taysee rightly labels them "a hot ass mess." Taystee teases Poussey by tickling her on the bed, and when Taystee falls back on the bed laughing, Poussey leans over and kisses her right on the lips. They both freeze, with Taystee not reciprocating and gently pulling away. Taystee softly tells her, "I'm sorry, P. We've been through this." She says it as nicely as possible, but Poussey lies back and heartbreakingly admits, "I know." Ah, the soul-crushing experience of falling in love with your straight best friend - a recurring tragedy in the world of queer women. If only all of those straight girls could be as wonderful about it as Taystee, who offers, "Maybe we could cuddle for a minute?" Aww. Poussey turns over and the two spoon, while Vee happens to walk by their cubicle. I'm sure this will not go unnoticed.
On another more important point, we now have confirmation. Poussey, welcome! As Nichols and Morello chanted in 1.03: Lesbian Request Denied: One of us! One of us! Woohoo!
On another more important point, we now have confirmation. Poussey, welcome! As Nichols and Morello chanted in 1.03: Lesbian Request Denied: One of us! One of us! Woohoo!
I need something to break in with...
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Please don't involve me in this
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DAMN IT!
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Returning to Morello's storyline, she is now in front of Christopher's house. LORNA, NO! STOP! For some odd reason, she can't hear my screaming, so she approaches the door, and when she finds it locked, she grabs a decorative bunny and goes around back. Oh, bunny, no. The next thing we hear is the shattering of glass as Mr. Bunny dives through the window of the back door, allowing Morello to let herself in. Oh, dear Jesus, this is not good. She looks around at the life Christopher has created with this other woman and it devastates her. When she enters their bedroom, she finds, what I would describe, as a nightmare: pillows that say "Goodnight, Sweetheart" and "Always Kiss Me Goodnight" and a lone teddy bear wearing a shirt that reads, "Love lives here." I'll be honest - I would much rather die alone and in moderate pain than ever find myself going to sleep in a bed such as this. Sadly, I believe Morello feels the opposite.
She looks into the closet and finds Angela's wedding dress hanging inside. Oh man, we're in the danger zone. She pulls out the
She looks into the closet and finds Angela's wedding dress hanging inside. Oh man, we're in the danger zone. She pulls out the
Don't...don't look at me...I'm deeply ashamed of where I've ended up
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veil and affixes it to her hair, when we cut to a flashback to when she and Christopher were dating. She's wearing a short denim dress that very much accentuates her...well, her boobies. She proudly proclaims, "It's Dolce and Gabbana." Asking a very appropriate question, her sister asks, "How the heck are you paying for all this stuff?" Morello explains, "I get good deals. I'm a savvy shopper. And Christopher likes me to look sophisticated. He says I'm like Audrey Hepburn." Does Christopher know who Audrey Hepburn is? Because I don't think he does if he finds Morello and her similar.
Morello's sister, Franny, suggests that she finally bring Christopher over to meet the family, but Morello is against this: "I don't want him getting scared off, okay? He's the one." Franny argues, "You don't know if he's the one until he's met the family." Morello asserts with complete certainty: "He don't need a test, okay? He's my destiny." Morello tears up at the thought of Christopher and her, so her sister gives in, complimenting, "You look cute in that dress." Aww. Morello asks, "Like Pretty Woman?" Her sister confirms this, even though I am not sure if Morello is talking about Julia Roberts pre or post-prostitute days. Eh, same diff. |
Back in LCF, Red is picking some stubborn chin hairs off her face, when Piper tries to bond with her: "You know, I get them, too. Well, most of the time they're blonde and they are soft, but every once in a while, I do get one that is black and spiky, and if you don't catch it in time, all of a sudden it's like two feet long and it's growing right out of the side of your face, like this giant, pubey, lady beard hair. You know, I get one right here. Larry called him 'Spike.'" Well, that's something to put in my box of "Things I Didn't Need to Know about Piper Chapman." Red asks, "How is he?" Piper: "Spike? Well, he's just starting up, but I can feel him." Yes, Piper, Red wanted to know about your chin hair, Spike...
Putting down her mirror, Red turns around and clarifies, "The husband." Piper answers, "Oh. I don't know. We don't talk. No letters. I used to get two a week." Woohoo! Is anyone else happy to hear about the signs of demise for Larry/Piper? Yes, I usually don't support cheering for the ruination of a couple, but in this case, bang the drums and toot the horns! Piper goes on to lament the fact that basically, none of her friends now send her mail anymore. Red: "People are fickle fucks." Indeed. Piper, though, is
Putting down her mirror, Red turns around and clarifies, "The husband." Piper answers, "Oh. I don't know. We don't talk. No letters. I used to get two a week." Woohoo! Is anyone else happy to hear about the signs of demise for Larry/Piper? Yes, I usually don't support cheering for the ruination of a couple, but in this case, bang the drums and toot the horns! Piper goes on to lament the fact that basically, none of her friends now send her mail anymore. Red: "People are fickle fucks." Indeed. Piper, though, is
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not making excuses: "You know, the thing is, I don't blame them. I don't even blame him, ultimately. I was selfish." Red tells her, "You have to be selfish in here. That's how you survive." Agreed, everyone has the right to try and find a reason to get up in the morning. It doesn't justify hurting other people, but it doesn't mean what you are doing is wrong. "People's loyalty means nothing...because the second you're not useful to them, you're out." Well, I'm not sure I agree with that cynical of a view. She ends by telling Piper, "And take it from me, Chapman - husbands are overrated. They're as useless as children. Count yourself as lucky. If it was meant to last, it would have." Hear, hear!
Speaking of said useless person, Larry walks out of Murray's Bagels with Polly and baby Finn in tow. They're hanging out again? Okay then. Polly is ranting about Pete abandoning her and her misogynistic, idiot therapist, when she tells Larry, "You're the only one who'll still hang out with us. Everyone swears they'll still come around, but they don't." You realize it's because he has no other friends, right, Polly? A woman sitting on the bench next to them asks, "How old is the baby?" Polly proudly reports that Finn is ten weeks old. "Congratulations!" |
Where the hell is that Pete guy? I liked that bro
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wishes the woman. "Oh, you're such an attractive family." Polly and Larry smile at each other, when Larry responds, "Thank you. Yeah, we...you know, despite the blond hair, she still swears he's mine." The woman asks, "What's his name?" Before Polly can respond, Larry answers, "Hampus. Hampus Renselor. It's an old family name." Ew. That sounds too close to Trenzalore to make me feel comfortable. Polly joins in to the joke, adding, "It's beautiful, isn't it? Little Hampy." They continue the charade of being married, until the woman tells them, "Well, enjoy. You're perfect together. It's very clear." Polly and Larry share a laugh together, and I'm smiling at the screen, while also feeling a nagging bit of suspicion in the background. Those two seem uncomfortably close...but as they say in The Book of Mormon, whenever you have a nagging doubt in your head, just "Turn it off!"
I make her come, vaginally
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Returning to the "Wacky Life and Times of Lorna Morello," we now find her lying naked in Christopher and Angela's bathtub, wearing Angela's wedding veil. In the words of the Sassy Gay Friend, Lorna, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Look at your life. Look at your choices." Lorna, honey, I adore you, but we have driven past Broken-Hearted hours ago, and we're speeding through Batshit Crazytown as we speak. We need to turn the car around.