Published on July 5, 2014
Finally, it is time for an episode with both Ms. Piper Chapman and the other inmates of LCF. 2.03: Hugs Can Be Deceiving unites the ladies and it feels like we have returned to equilibrium. Not only does Piper return, but she brings along a horde of newbies with her. Morello does the standard orientation, walking the girls around the halls, when a welcoming party gives the standard "predatory lesbian" introduction. Must we do this every time?
Big Boo leads the charge, approaching the one in front and telling her, "Hey, don't be afraid, little girl. Daddy can protect you from the criminal element." Ewww, God, that is awful. I'd much rather deal with the criminal element than anyone who self-identifies as "Daddy." Boo, get a grip! You're bringing the community down. After she messes with the new fish, the inmates see a straggler coming down the hallway - one Piper Chapman. When Poussey sees her, she lets out an, "Oh my God," while Black Cindy declares, "Oh shit. She is risen!" Further down the hall, Suzanne turns the corner and when she sees Piper, she looks exactly as the Doctor and his companions do when the Daleks reappear after having been thought to be long gone: pure terror and disbelief. Piper doesn't care, though, cooly and calmly walking through the halls like she owns the place. Thug's gotta thug.
Big Boo leads the charge, approaching the one in front and telling her, "Hey, don't be afraid, little girl. Daddy can protect you from the criminal element." Ewww, God, that is awful. I'd much rather deal with the criminal element than anyone who self-identifies as "Daddy." Boo, get a grip! You're bringing the community down. After she messes with the new fish, the inmates see a straggler coming down the hallway - one Piper Chapman. When Poussey sees her, she lets out an, "Oh my God," while Black Cindy declares, "Oh shit. She is risen!" Further down the hall, Suzanne turns the corner and when she sees Piper, she looks exactly as the Doctor and his companions do when the Daleks reappear after having been thought to be long gone: pure terror and disbelief. Piper doesn't care, though, cooly and calmly walking through the halls like she owns the place. Thug's gotta thug.
What's the name of our favorite game to play?
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SIXTY-NINE!!!
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Hold up, what?
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In the cafeteria, Poussey, Taystee, Black Cindy, and Watson are playing charades, while Suzanne is permitted to keep time. Oh Suzanne, well, at least, you're kinda part of the group. Okay, not really. Taystee and Poussey dominate like the soulmates that they are, and afterwards, Suzanne asks, "Yo, you think I could try?" Taystee responds, "Man, how many times I got to tell you we need you on clock duty?" Aw, man. Suzanne expresses her gratitude for "clock duty," but makes a case to get a shot at actually participating in the game itself. Poussey cuts her off, "Yo, son, you straight up lost your mind last time. All hitting yourself in the head and shit. Yo, well, look, thing is, we already got a even number." Looking a bit disheartened, Suzanne steps back up next to the clock, passively accepting their reasons. Guys...come on.
As Suzanne counts down to one, we get a flashback to lil' Suzanne Warren! Oh my goodness, she is adorbs! Wearing a flowery bathing suit and pink wings, she excitedly runs down a hospital corridor into her mother's room, with her dad trying to keep up from behind. She is a ball of pure excitement and love, and goodness, my heart just explodes in emotions. Her mother, holding
As Suzanne counts down to one, we get a flashback to lil' Suzanne Warren! Oh my goodness, she is adorbs! Wearing a flowery bathing suit and pink wings, she excitedly runs down a hospital corridor into her mother's room, with her dad trying to keep up from behind. She is a ball of pure excitement and love, and goodness, my heart just explodes in emotions. Her mother, holding
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Suzanne's newborn sister, awakens at the presence of her oldest daughter, as Suzanne proudly reports, "I dressed myself, Mama!" Ugh, I'm finding it hard to breathe she is so freaking cute. Her parents introduce their new little "miracle," and predictably, Suzanne asks to hold her little sister. After a bit of hesitation, her father gently places Suzanne's baby sister, Grace, into her arms, as a nearby nurse watches quietly. After a few moments, her father takes Grace back from Suzanne, telling her, "Okay, honey, that's enough for now. She's had quite a journey today. You can hold her again later."
Suzanne is not on board with this. In a high-pitched voice of protest, she yells, "No! She's my baby! You give her back! You told me she was mine! She's mine! Give her back! Give her |
C'mon, say it - I look fly as shit!
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back!" Her mother tries to calm her down, but it does nothing to stop Suzanne's tantrum. The nurse, seeing her parents getting nowhere, comes over and grabs Suzanne, saying, "Hey! Hey! It's pretty exciting being a big sister, isn't it? You know, I couldn't wait to meet my little brother when he was born. But you know what? That kid cried for a whole year. I even asked my mommy if she could put him back in her tummy." This gets a laugh out of Suzanne and it seems that the crisis is averted. Her mother gives the nurse a grateful look, and Suzanne goes back to being perfectly pleasant within seconds. So, it seems there were signs...
In the present, Morello walks the newbies into their temporary bunks, with Chapman returning to her original temporary bunk, which is still occupied by DeMarco and Rosa, along with new inhabitants, Vee and Murphy. When Piper sees familiar faces, she
In the present, Morello walks the newbies into their temporary bunks, with Chapman returning to her original temporary bunk, which is still occupied by DeMarco and Rosa, along with new inhabitants, Vee and Murphy. When Piper sees familiar faces, she
Hostages of Brook "Funny Story" Soso
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drops her stuff on her bed and rushes to kiss Rosa on the head and bear-hug DeMarco. It's touching and shows us how far Piper has come since 1.01: I Wasn't Ready. This is her home now. DeMarco tells her, "I thought they'd shipped you away for good. I heard you gave what's-her-boobs a pretty good beatdown. Didn't know you had it in you." At this, one of the new girls asks in wide-eyed surprise, "You beat someone up?" After staring at the girl coldly, Piper confirms in a calm, low voice, "Yes, I did." Oh my God, she's a beast. She scares me!
Morello asks the new girl what her name is, and |
she replies, "Soso." Thinking she's confused, Morello repeats the question, but Soso explains, "Yeah, that's my name. Brook Soso. Oh, um, funny story, my parents named me Brook after Brooke Shields, the actress...um, but except without the 'e,' 'cause they thought it would be a bit more original. But sometime around my 10th birthday, they started saying I was named after a brook instead...um, like the babbling kind." This "story," which I hesitate to even grant it that designation, is met with deafening silence and a gallery of blank looks. Rosa remarks to no one in particular, "Proving once again, you can either be pretty or smart." Oh snap! Rosa, for the win!
In accordance with tribal custom, Morello pulls out some goodies from her jacket, telling Soso, "Oh, I got something for you. We got a toothbrush...and soap. I don't normally bend the rules like this, but you don't look full...Asia." Full Asia. FULL ASIA. Yes, this is horrifically racist, but damn it, as a person who is actually full Asia, for some reason, that phrase is the equivalent of finding a litter of Shih Tzu puppies sitting in a basket filled with gift cards for free Chipotle burritos. It fills me with delight! (*Cue Andy Dwyer gif) Admittedly, this is not a good reaction to have. I need help.
In accordance with tribal custom, Morello pulls out some goodies from her jacket, telling Soso, "Oh, I got something for you. We got a toothbrush...and soap. I don't normally bend the rules like this, but you don't look full...Asia." Full Asia. FULL ASIA. Yes, this is horrifically racist, but damn it, as a person who is actually full Asia, for some reason, that phrase is the equivalent of finding a litter of Shih Tzu puppies sitting in a basket filled with gift cards for free Chipotle burritos. It fills me with delight! (*Cue Andy Dwyer gif) Admittedly, this is not a good reaction to have. I need help.
My reaction to "Full Asia"
After that life-making Morello-ism, Soso notices Murphy sitting quietly in her bunk, curled up and non-responsive. She whispers, "What happened to her?" Morello turns her head to glance at Murphy and replies, "Ohhhh! Well, she got burned...Anyway, I got a van run in a couple of minutes." Someone put a crown on Ms. Morello's head because she is OWNING my heart right now. Her Highness gives Piper her "brushy brush and soapy soap," as the two exchange heartfelt words of excitement at seeing one another again. Awww. Before Morello leaves, Vee asks from the corner, "You have another one of those?" Morello, without hesitation or apology, lies, "Oh, I'm real sorrry, hun, I don't. One of the black girls didn't come round when you got in? That's a shame." And my giddiness has now evaporated into thin air. The looks those two gave each other, coupled with Morello's biting words...scary as shiz. Can't we just go back to making "full Asia" jokes?