Continued from Page 2 of Orange is the New Black 1.10: Bora Bora Bora
Time to flash back to the past! To Larry...wha wha. Oh well. We find him snacking away on some chips, when who should walk through the door, but Piper Chapman. Apparently, this is the first time they ever met, and as we find out, they did so through Pete and Polly. Larry is their next door neighbor and plant-sitting, when Piper stops by because she just got bit by a dog. Oh no! Not
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man's best friend! She seems a bit "whatever" about everything (my guess is she's high), and when she shows Larry her bite mark, he jumps to help her, while she just moves to sit on the couch. Before she does, she announces, "I'm gonna take my pants off." Well, that was quick. She clarifies, "To get to the bite. Can't roll them up. Tight jeans." It's like we've stepped into a porno scene, where the sexy woman just starts undressing for no real reason. Larry, you lucky man, you.
When Larry inquires as to how she acquired the bite, Piper explains, "Yeah, some homeless kid was asking for money for dog food, and I was like, 'If you can't afford dog food, you shouldn't have a dog.'" What a gem she is. I'm rooting for the dog in this scenario. Larry advises, "You should probably get a tetanus shot." Agreed! Piper dismisses this: "Oh, I'll be fine. The dog looked a lot cleaner than the kid." Oh Lord, you're insufferable. She mentions she is planning to see a band tonight, and Larry tells her he was planning on doing the same thing. Wow, this is exciting... Larry begins to nag her: "Look, this is silly. You should really take a shower or even a bath. You know, just soak it. You know, you really need to clean it out. I mean, you don't want to get an infection. Or rabies. Do |
This dude is aggressively boring
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you feel any flu-like symptoms because if it is rabies, you need to treat it right away. I mean, there is no cure. You'll die." I swear, it's like my mother's spirit is speaking through him right now. She only replies, "Wow. Dark." She's got to be high. She proceeds to stand up in her undies and head off to the shower, when he asks her, "Hey, have you eaten? I was just about to order some Chinese food. So, if you haven't eaten...unless you're meeting someone before the show." She softly answers, "No, I'm not. Chinese sounds great. I'll have whatever you're having." Well, then. And that is the beginning of Larry/Piper. Gotta say - Vauseman's start is way better. Their chemistry was off the charts from the onset and Piper looked at Alex like she'd never seen anything like her before. With Larry, she just seems to take an, "Oh, he's not so bad. Why not?" approach.
Back in the present, we hear Morello ask Nichols, "What do you think of Bora Bora Bora?" Ah, so, that's where we get the title. Not surprising. Nichols replies, "You mean Bora Bora?" Nope, she doesn't. She's pretty sure it's three "Bora"s. Oh Lorna. She tells Nichols, "I've been thinking about it for our honeymoon. I mean, I know Christopher's got his mind set on Madrid, but all those
Back in the present, we hear Morello ask Nichols, "What do you think of Bora Bora Bora?" Ah, so, that's where we get the title. Not surprising. Nichols replies, "You mean Bora Bora?" Nope, she doesn't. She's pretty sure it's three "Bora"s. Oh Lorna. She tells Nichols, "I've been thinking about it for our honeymoon. I mean, I know Christopher's got his mind set on Madrid, but all those
What do you mean you don't find my sweatsuit sexy?
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enchiladas...I get gassy." Plus Lorna, you did say you think all Hispanics are "dirty. They're greasy. Their food smells nasty, and they're taking all our jobs." So, I'm betting you have a few reasons for avoiding Madrid, other than just the fact that enchiladas make you gassy. Quick question: What is it with the engaged queer ladies asking their (ex)lovers about their fiancés this episode? Bad form, ladies. Bad form.
When Tricia walks by, Morello tells Nichols, "She came by the kitchen earlier to give Red an olive." Oh, fascinating story. Wait, no, it's not...not at all. Nichols, though, deciphers Morello-speak and tells her, "Say an olive branch, all right." Well, she tries. Morello explains that Tricia is still in the dog house with Red because, "she told Pornstache about the trucks. She's a Judas Priest." Oh my God, Morello, you are officially banned from talking for the next 5 minutes. Not only that, what you just accused Tricia of is false. Nichols defends, "It's not true. I mean, you don't know, so watch it with the rumors, all right?" Thinking Nichols is being a bit touchy due to something else, Morello guesses, "You still mad 'cause we're not sleeping together? Aw, that's |
it. Oh, come on, Nichols, it's better this way, being friends. You know, I miss it, too, sometimes, but I gotta stay true to Christopher." Reaching her limit, Nichols groans and begins to unload: "Yeah, I know you can't cheat on him. You know why? Because Christopher doesn't fucking exist." Oh no. "At least, not in your life. He hasn't visited you since three weeks after you got here." When Morello denies this, Nichols continues, "Yeah, it is, and everybody knows it, and the only reason nobody says anything is 'cause they're embarrassed for you because it's pathetic."
Hey, lay off, Nichols! Woman down, woman down. Morello sits there quietly, looking like a beaten puppy, but Nichols hasn't finished yet: "But I'm sick of it, just like I'm sick of you talking about things you don't know anything about." Tears in her eyes, Morello stands up and tells Nichols, "Fuck you." Nichols responds in kind, and they have now officially had their "bad break up." Yikes, the ouch words were out and they were flying hard and fast.
Hey, lay off, Nichols! Woman down, woman down. Morello sits there quietly, looking like a beaten puppy, but Nichols hasn't finished yet: "But I'm sick of it, just like I'm sick of you talking about things you don't know anything about." Tears in her eyes, Morello stands up and tells Nichols, "Fuck you." Nichols responds in kind, and they have now officially had their "bad break up." Yikes, the ouch words were out and they were flying hard and fast.
So, I've got a new job, apartment, boyfriend, and overall outlook on life! What about you?
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Uh, got a new neck tattoo, living on the streets, and have an increasingly concerning drug habit
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Ohhhhhh....my God, that's terrible
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After that fun fest, we get another scene from Frowntown - Tricia in a flashback. Looking rougher than we saw her last, she stumbles out of a stranger's car and runs into her old friend, Allie. Unlike Tricia, who appears to have been on the downswing, Allie looks a lot better and informs us that she has turned her life around. Meanwhile, Tricia is staying "nowhere permanent right now, but I stay in the shelter some nights. And I'm eighteen now, so they can't call my folks. Yeah, so, I'm free, you know. I'm living the dream, you know." Ah, my heart breaks at this. Allie kindly offers Tricia her place to stay a while, but Tricia declines, telling her, "You know me. I don't like asking for favors from anybody." Oh, Tricia. I just want to take her home and give her unlimited puppies and ice cream.
Flashing forward, Vauseman moves to phase 2 of its plan to take down Pennsatucky. As soon as Meth Jesus enters the cafeteria, Big Boo calls her over: "I heard you cured Janae's knee. Is that true?" Tucky answers, "Yes, yeah. I am just a simple woman, doing the work of the Lord." Me too. Big Boo compliments her on her good deeds, and asks, "Do you think you could help
Flashing forward, Vauseman moves to phase 2 of its plan to take down Pennsatucky. As soon as Meth Jesus enters the cafeteria, Big Boo calls her over: "I heard you cured Janae's knee. Is that true?" Tucky answers, "Yes, yeah. I am just a simple woman, doing the work of the Lord." Me too. Big Boo compliments her on her good deeds, and asks, "Do you think you could help
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me?" When Pennsatucky questions what is wrong with her, Big Boo tells her, "My mind. I have unclean thoughts. Lesbian content." Tucky, though, smells a trap and starts to back away: "You know, you're messin' with me and I don't mess with my Lord that way." Big Boo pleads with her to believe her request for help, confessing, "I think someday I might wanna have a kid, but I don't want to do it with another woman, 'cause those kids, they always turn out gay." True story. Big Boo promises, "The cycle of terror ends now, with me. I swear."
Pennsatucky feels confident that Big Boo is sincere and begins the Christian cleanse. Meanwhile, Piper surreptitiously scopes out the scene with amusement from her seat next to the bootylicious (see the image to the right) Alex. When the ceremony is over, Big Boo tests out Tucky's skills and proposes, "Let me try picturing the 2008 U.S. women's soccer team. That usually works." Solid pick, though the 2012 U.S. team (which adds Alex Morgan) ain't too shabby either. |
Everyone, please take a moment to appreciate Alex Vause's/Laura Prepon's amazing ass-ets. That is all. Congrats, Piper - don't stop, get it, get it
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When Big Boo envisions the lovely ladies of football, she claims that suddenly, her devious urges are nowhere to be found. Pennsatucky raises her hands in exaltation to the Lord, and Big Boo begs to be changed back. I assume that's what happens when people try to become ex-gays: immediate regret, particularly when it doesn't work (which is 100% of the time).
Also in the cafeteria, Nichols spots a not-looking-so-hot Tricia and says hello with a worried look on her face. A dazed Tricia offers up, "Yo, Nichols, I know you're probably not supposed to talk to me and everything, but could you do me a solid and tell Red I'm gonna make it right? You tell her that I'm...we're gonna be square 'cause I'm gonna figure something out." She struggles to even get the words out of her mouth before she lethargically walks out of the cafeteria. Pornstache sees her and grabs onto her in the hallway before she can make her way to the Scared Straight program. He shoves her into a utility closet and locks her in, ordering her, "Just stay out of sight."
Also in the cafeteria, Nichols spots a not-looking-so-hot Tricia and says hello with a worried look on her face. A dazed Tricia offers up, "Yo, Nichols, I know you're probably not supposed to talk to me and everything, but could you do me a solid and tell Red I'm gonna make it right? You tell her that I'm...we're gonna be square 'cause I'm gonna figure something out." She struggles to even get the words out of her mouth before she lethargically walks out of the cafeteria. Pornstache sees her and grabs onto her in the hallway before she can make her way to the Scared Straight program. He shoves her into a utility closet and locks her in, ordering her, "Just stay out of sight."
Dude, you look terrible...
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Lady, are you high? I look fabulous
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This leads to another flashback where Tricia is unsuccessfully trying to pay on a debt she owes. She's telling the sassy cashier that she's just trying to pay the store back for a pair of headphones she stole a few years ago, but he's refusing and does not understand what's going on. When he goes to get the manager, Tricia sees a necklace she likes, and presumably as it is a force of habit, she palms it and slides it into her coat, while unknowingly being watched by another store employee. This, of course, leads to her running out of the store in panic, and just her luck, a policeman happens to be right outside and ready to pounce. Oy.