Continued from Page 1 of Orange is the New Black 1.10: Bora Bora Bora
Flashback time! We go back to Tricia pre-prison, where she and her friend, Allie, appear to be living on the streets, panhandling for money to live on. (Her friend looks familiar, and after a bit of googling, I discover that the actress who plays Allie also plays Rachel Posner on House of Cards, who is involved in a same-sex storyline in season 2. Small Netflix world!) When Allie takes a break, Tricia pulls out a chocolate bar and a carrot that she shoplifted from Whole Foods for them to share. That's some classy stolen food. Tricia, though, does not believe she "stole" the food, as she's "gonna pay for it." Understandably, Allie is confused by this, so Tricia pulls out a small notebook, where she writes down every debt she has with anyone and everyone. She swears, "When I leave this world, I ain't owing nobody nothing." Aw, man, Tricia's a good kid who's just been given a rough roll of the dice. Also, she may be a Lannister at heart - a Lannister always pays her debts!
Before the two of them can go through her log of debts, an older dude pulls his car over and yells out the window to them, "Hey! One of you want to come to a party?" Ewww. Tricia quickly dispatches him: "Fuck off." Well said. Hear, hear! She says with disgust, "Motherfucker looks like my rapist step-dad." Oh geez...Man, Tricia, I want good things for you!
Before the two of them can go through her log of debts, an older dude pulls his car over and yells out the window to them, "Hey! One of you want to come to a party?" Ewww. Tricia quickly dispatches him: "Fuck off." Well said. Hear, hear! She says with disgust, "Motherfucker looks like my rapist step-dad." Oh geez...Man, Tricia, I want good things for you!
I can't believe you brought your girlfriend on our anniversary!
|
Cal: Don't you dare take that tone with me, and get those hands off of your hips! We'll talk about this at home
|
Over by the phones, Piper is chatting with her bro, Cal, when she finds out that Larry's going to be on NPR discussing their relationship. Ooooh, not a good way for her to be told. Cal tells her that she probably has not heard from Larry because he's preparing for the program. He tries to sidestep the entire conversation and ends it quickly, offering, "Bye, Piper, love you. Stay out of the stew." Piper corrects, "SHU, the SHU." "Yeah, isn't that what I said?" asks Cal. Oh, Cal, you are a constant dispenser of wonderful.
As soon as the conversation ends, who should walk out of Cal's camper but Mr. Larry Bloom. Oh boy. Cal tells him, "Dude, you need to talk to Piper." Cal's girlfriend Neri adds, "She wants to know why you're not picking up. She sounded mad." Incensed by
As soon as the conversation ends, who should walk out of Cal's camper but Mr. Larry Bloom. Oh boy. Cal tells him, "Dude, you need to talk to Piper." Cal's girlfriend Neri adds, "She wants to know why you're not picking up. She sounded mad." Incensed by
Oh my God! People other than me have problems, too?
|
this, Larry asks, "She's mad? Did you ask her why she went to the SHU?" Cal responds, "No, that's none of my business." Smart man. Good man. He tells an exasperated Larry, "Dude, look, you can stay here. We can go shoot guns. You can help me set up my maple syrup taps, but you have to talk to my sister. Communication is key, man." Aw, Cal, what a good brother! Non-judgy, hopes for the best for his sis, and a man who knows how to acquire his own maple syrup. Way to go, Neri! He's a catch!
On the other end of the phone line, Piper hangs up with Cal, and Tricia, who is walking by, notices she looks upset. Considerately, she asks, "Bad news?" Piper: "No news. I can't get a hold of him, but apparently, he's going to be on the radio. . . . He's going to be talking about me. He's going to be talking about how my going to prison affects him, as a partner." Is anyone else noticing that she's totally boggarting the phone when she's dumping all of her public radio problems on Tricia? At least, step to the side so someone else can use it, Piper. Miss Rudeness! After whining to Tricia, she finally asks her, "Do you need to use the phone?" Tricia, looking anxious, replies, "I just tried. You know, Mercy and me, we haven't talked in a while, so I can't get through either." Oh, poor |
Tricia. When Piper asks her how much longer her sentence is, Tricia reveals she has four more years left to go. Wow, Piper, you look like a real self-centered jerkface right now. Tricia, though, waves off any sympathy Piper may be feeling for her and heartbreakingly tells her, "Problems are problems, yo. We all make bad choices. It's just some of us got different bad choices to make." With that, she walks away by herself down the hall, and it seems like she can't catch a break.
Tricia's speech does trigger Piper to remember something from the past, and we take a trip back to Polly's wedding day! As she prepares for her "I do"s with Pete, she starts to freak out, questioning the sanity of what she's about to do. Piper, as all good bridesmaids do, assures her, "You look beautiful. This is awesome. Is it bad to admit I'm even feeling a little jealous?" Polly quickly responds, "No, I love being the target of envy. It means I'm winning." Ha, I love her. Piper looks up at the ceiling, admitting, "I can't even begin to imagine 'forever' with somebody." Polly: "Well, surprise, surprise, considering the kind of girls you date." Did I hear "girls" as in plural? Presumably, this is after Alex? I like the sound of this. Polly clarifies what she means by Piper's type: "Hot girls who make you crazy." Ah yes, I know the type - some of my favorites, tragically. Piper unapologetically acknowledges this: "I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say, I'm shallow." Eh, there are worse things.
Tricia's speech does trigger Piper to remember something from the past, and we take a trip back to Polly's wedding day! As she prepares for her "I do"s with Pete, she starts to freak out, questioning the sanity of what she's about to do. Piper, as all good bridesmaids do, assures her, "You look beautiful. This is awesome. Is it bad to admit I'm even feeling a little jealous?" Polly quickly responds, "No, I love being the target of envy. It means I'm winning." Ha, I love her. Piper looks up at the ceiling, admitting, "I can't even begin to imagine 'forever' with somebody." Polly: "Well, surprise, surprise, considering the kind of girls you date." Did I hear "girls" as in plural? Presumably, this is after Alex? I like the sound of this. Polly clarifies what she means by Piper's type: "Hot girls who make you crazy." Ah yes, I know the type - some of my favorites, tragically. Piper unapologetically acknowledges this: "I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say, I'm shallow." Eh, there are worse things.
You don't get to come back up until you get me off
|
That's my girl
|
Polly, though, is intent on Piper understanding her main criticism of her love life: "You keep looking for people you have that chemical thing with, but that's not the whole package. You have to find someone you can spend two weeks with in a cramped timeshare in Montauk, in the rain, and not want to kill. He made jigsaw puzzles fun and competitive." Aww, I love jigsaw puzzles! Way to go, Pete! Piper is dismissive: "That sounds truly boring." She tells Polly, "But I want both. I want warm, but I also want hot. I want fireworks. I want somebody I can have adventures with." Lifelong cynic Polly assesses, "Look, adventure is just hardship with an inflated sense of self." Ah, we are meant to be, Polly and me. Jigsaw puzzles and cynicism - the makings of a wonderful relationship. She lauds Pete for what he brings to the relationship and adds, "Plus, he's never shown any interest in fucking me in the ass, for which I am grateful." Well, let's not be too close-minded. Piper warns her, "You never know. He may just be saving that hole for marriage." They do say you have to leave a little mystery in your relationship. Apparently, "mystery" means the bum.
Over in the suburbs, Pornstache summons Tricia over to him. He tries to entice her with some Oxy, but she refuses as she just got clean. Good for you, Tricia! He tells her that if she won't be a consumer that she'll have to distribute then. She still says
Over in the suburbs, Pornstache summons Tricia over to him. He tries to entice her with some Oxy, but she refuses as she just got clean. Good for you, Tricia! He tells her that if she won't be a consumer that she'll have to distribute then. She still says
|
no: "I can't. I'm in enough trouble with Red as it is." Pornstache, though, isn't accepting this. He tells her she owes him and forcefully stuffs a bag of Oxy down her waistband, whispering in her ear, "The borrower is slave to the lender." What a piece of shit. Feeling like she has no other choice, Tricia keeps the Oxy and is off to figure out how to get it sold.
Back in the cafeteria, Pennsatucky is giving an impassioned sermon to her followers, while Alex, Piper, and Watson look on. Piper notices Alex has replaced her specs and greets her, "Hey, new glasses." A grin on her lips, Alex replies, "Better to see you with, my dear." Oooh, she is dangerously smooth. When Pennsatucky places her hands onto a member of her audience, she asks her,"You still have that headache?" "Yeah, but, you know, it's not the worst headache I've ever had," answers her devotee. PRAISE BE! After a few more seconds, Pennsatucky questions the woman again, and she answers hesitantly, "Gone?" That's enough for the Pennsatucky congregation, and the room is filled with "Amen"s and "Halellujah"s! Wow, she has the equivalent effect of an |
Pennsatucky performing the "Squirrel Heal"
|
Advil! Just like Jesus!
Piper, in disgust, asks aloud, "Why would anyone ever listen to her?" Calmly, Alex responds, "I don't know what you're talking about. She clearly has magic powers." Piper growls out, "What I wouldn't give to watch her slip and fall." Oooh buddy, this has gotten personal. Alex tells Piper that she has not forgotten about what Pennsatucky has done, but she "just ha[s] a different way of dealing with things." Yeah, like randomly kissing her in front of everyone in the cafeteria. The other observer, Watson, decides she has had enough, declaring to Pennsatucky, "Man, you ain't got no healing power. You ain't got shit!" Welcome to the anti-Tucky team, Watson. Glad to have you aboard.
One of Pennsatucky's posse, Taylor, defends this accusation, reminding everyone of the headache she recently cured. Piper intervenes at this point: "No, she didn't. She took that headache and she gave it to me. Ha!" Uh oh. Looks like we're about to
Piper, in disgust, asks aloud, "Why would anyone ever listen to her?" Calmly, Alex responds, "I don't know what you're talking about. She clearly has magic powers." Piper growls out, "What I wouldn't give to watch her slip and fall." Oooh buddy, this has gotten personal. Alex tells Piper that she has not forgotten about what Pennsatucky has done, but she "just ha[s] a different way of dealing with things." Yeah, like randomly kissing her in front of everyone in the cafeteria. The other observer, Watson, decides she has had enough, declaring to Pennsatucky, "Man, you ain't got no healing power. You ain't got shit!" Welcome to the anti-Tucky team, Watson. Glad to have you aboard.
One of Pennsatucky's posse, Taylor, defends this accusation, reminding everyone of the headache she recently cured. Piper intervenes at this point: "No, she didn't. She took that headache and she gave it to me. Ha!" Uh oh. Looks like we're about to
Look Tucky, we're teeth twinsies!
|
have a good ole' fashioned rumble up in here. Alex, though, curiously tries to calm Piper, telling her, "Piper, chill." Watson challenges Pennsatucky, "I'll tell you what. I got a fucked up knee. You so spiritual. Come and show me what you got." After some backpedaling, Pennsatucky approaches Watson and lays her hands onto Watson's knee, praying to God for some help. After a few seconds of Pennsatucky's powers, Watson exclaims, "Holy shit! You did it. You actually did it!" She exuberantly bounces her right leg up and down in excitement, as Piper looks on in horrified shock. Alex, though, remains silent, allowing a small smile onto her face. Something is amiss.
Pennsatucky looks just as shocked as everyone else and looks to the heavens in thanks, as her followers celebrate her new God-given gifts. Dumbfounded, Piper asks out loud, "Are you seeing this?" |
Alex: "She's awfully talented." A satisfied Watson stands up and shimmies out of the room and as she passes Alex, they share a look of victory. Piper gasps in understanding and we now see what's going on. Alex lectures, "You want to get to someone? You gotta have a long game." Oooh, Tucky, get ready. Vause is on the move.