Continued from Page 1 of Orange is the New Black 1.08: Moscow Mule
Continuing the flirtation, Alex asks Piper a question that no one can say no to, "You wanna see something?" Of course, Piper walks over to her. Who can resist? Alex reveals that as she has been doing the guards' laundry, she discovered another guard's boxers in a female guard's load. So, it ain't just the inmates who are getting frisky with one another. When Alex pulls out the pair of boxers, the two of them hold it up together, laughing and teasing one another. Ah, just like old times.
Do you wanna reunite Vauseman?!?!
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Hellz yeah I do!!!!
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Unfortunately, Pennsatucky interrupts this little moment, asking them, "Hey! Y'all done having fun?" Alex, looking very displeased at having to delay the progress she was making with Piper, shoots right back, "We're just getting started, bitch." Oh shit, that escalated quickly. Alex stares her down, and Pennsatucky smartly keeps her mouth shut. This, though, is enough to snap Piper out of the moment, and she runs back to work on the dryer. Luckily, Alex is not giving it up. She pushes Piper to let her help her,
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but Piper explains, "You're laundry. I'm electric. We're from different worlds." Profound, Piper. Also, nonsensical. After they both glance at the still present Pennsatucky, Piper tells her, "I don't want any trouble."
Refusing to allow Pennsatucky to ruin her fun, Alex: "Oh, fuck her. I'm gonna help you, no strings attached." With this, she slides her glasses down onto her face, wiggles her eyebrows at Pennsatucky, and sets her eyes right on Piper. Wow, I gotta say, she is one smooth mofo. Elsewhere, Nichols goes and sees Tricia, who is going through the highly unpleasant process of withdrawal. Nichols makes some small talk with her, but eventually gets to the point of her visit, telling Tricia that Red's done and she has to go and report herself to her C.O. Tricia |
Alex: What the hell, man? I was about to get to 1st base with her
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begs her not to force her to do it: "You're supposed to be my family." Nichols, though, has been given her
marching orders, and can only respond, "Not anymore." Tricia falls back on her bed and starts to plead with her, yelling for help, but Nichols just walks away, wiping tears from her eyes. Not fun.
Returning to a place of fun, the laundry room, we find Alex now completely inside the broken dryer, while Piper holds a flashlight (torch for you Brits) and reads from the dryer's manual. Um, this seems unadvisable for multiple reasons, but, at least, you two are getting along. Godspeed. Of course, Piper's flashlight suddenly loses power and while she runs to retrieve new batteries, Pennsatucky seizes the opportunity and shuts Alex inside the dryer, latching the door shut. Alex turns around, asking
marching orders, and can only respond, "Not anymore." Tricia falls back on her bed and starts to plead with her, yelling for help, but Nichols just walks away, wiping tears from her eyes. Not fun.
Returning to a place of fun, the laundry room, we find Alex now completely inside the broken dryer, while Piper holds a flashlight (torch for you Brits) and reads from the dryer's manual. Um, this seems unadvisable for multiple reasons, but, at least, you two are getting along. Godspeed. Of course, Piper's flashlight suddenly loses power and while she runs to retrieve new batteries, Pennsatucky seizes the opportunity and shuts Alex inside the dryer, latching the door shut. Alex turns around, asking
Piper, can you hear me?
Piper, can you see me? Piper, can you find me in the lint? |
Pennsatucky, "What the hell are you doing?" In poetic fashion, Pennsatucky answers, "I'm just getting started, bitch." Ooooh, well played Pennsatucky, well played.
When Piper returns, Alex is understandably in a panic. Piper starts to go get help, but Alex yells at her to stop, saying, "If they find out that I was helping you, I'm gonna get in trouble." Mother Piper responds, "I told you that this was a bad idea." At this, Alex slams her fist against the dryer, chastising, "Don't you do that! That thing. Like this is my fault. Like you aren't accountable for anything that ever happens in your life, ever." Did someone order some baggage? Because it's here. Alex orders, "Read that manual. Unjam the door. Step the fuck up!" This results in Piper walking away to seek someone else to help her, but Alex frantically yells, "No! Don't you go! Don't you fucking leave me." When she says this last plea, Piper turns around, staring at the dryer containing Alex, clearly affected by what Alex just said. Based on Piper's reaction, I'm betting this is not the first time she's heard those words said to her from Alex. Making up her mind, Piper quietly says, "Okay," and comes back to her. She leans down in |
front of the dryer and assures her, "I'm here." Alex, looking vulnerable and shaken, can only look away from Piper's gaze in discomfort. Man, nothing's ever simple with you two.
Piper gets to work to try and free Alex, who has calmed down since her initial panic. Alex asks Piper, "So, what, Nicky never came back?" Piper, sarcastically: "Your girlfriend? No." Oooh, Piper, your jealousy is showing. Alex finds this amusing as well, inquiring, "What's that supposed to mean?" Making it even more obvious, Piper replies, "Nothing, never mind." Ah yes, the 12 year old response. Very effective, Piper. Alex teases her: "What, you expect me to wait for you to come around?"
At this, Piper turns and smiles at her, asking, "Are you kidding me? I'm engaged." Pfft, oh please, Piper. You're as engaged as Morello is. Alex, with a smirk on her face, mocks, "Right." Wrench in hand, Piper asserts, "Do not confuse this. Maybe, just maybe, we will get friendly again. Maybe." Alex immediately dismisses this: "We were never friends, Piper. . . . I loved you. I loved having sex with you." As soon as Alex says the word "sex," Piper's eyes cannot help but stray back to Alex's face.
Piper gets to work to try and free Alex, who has calmed down since her initial panic. Alex asks Piper, "So, what, Nicky never came back?" Piper, sarcastically: "Your girlfriend? No." Oooh, Piper, your jealousy is showing. Alex finds this amusing as well, inquiring, "What's that supposed to mean?" Making it even more obvious, Piper replies, "Nothing, never mind." Ah yes, the 12 year old response. Very effective, Piper. Alex teases her: "What, you expect me to wait for you to come around?"
At this, Piper turns and smiles at her, asking, "Are you kidding me? I'm engaged." Pfft, oh please, Piper. You're as engaged as Morello is. Alex, with a smirk on her face, mocks, "Right." Wrench in hand, Piper asserts, "Do not confuse this. Maybe, just maybe, we will get friendly again. Maybe." Alex immediately dismisses this: "We were never friends, Piper. . . . I loved you. I loved having sex with you." As soon as Alex says the word "sex," Piper's eyes cannot help but stray back to Alex's face.
Hey girl, sing 'Summer Nights' with me...
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I told you I'd never sing that song with you ever again
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Met a girl, crazy for me...
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...Those su-um-mmmer...
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NI-IIIIIIGHTS!
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This was a mistake
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But Alex isn't done just yet: "And more importantly, I am not suggesting that I want you back, you Park Slope narcissist! I mean for you to come around like an actual human being, and not with some hollow bullshit apology, or that cute little sad face that might work on your fucking boyfriend. I've been waiting for you to come around and treat me like an actual human being and realize what a fucking horse's ass you've been." This was one comment too many for Piper. She drops her wrench and shrilly screeches, "I've been a horse's ass?!" Alex shoots right back at her: "Fuck yeah!" Uh oh.
Piper: "Fuck you! And this dryer! This fucking shitty piece of goddamn dryer!" She pulls on the latch around the dryer opening and when it fails to yield, she begins to punch and kick the dryer angrily, while Alex earmuffs herself inside to try and avoid the loud pounding Piper is unleashing on her mini-prison. This commotion unfortunately garners Luschek's attention, and it seems both Piper and Alex are in heaps of trouble. Well, ladies, I hope you're both happy with that little couples' therapy session. Just have sex already!
Piper: "Fuck you! And this dryer! This fucking shitty piece of goddamn dryer!" She pulls on the latch around the dryer opening and when it fails to yield, she begins to punch and kick the dryer angrily, while Alex earmuffs herself inside to try and avoid the loud pounding Piper is unleashing on her mini-prison. This commotion unfortunately garners Luschek's attention, and it seems both Piper and Alex are in heaps of trouble. Well, ladies, I hope you're both happy with that little couples' therapy session. Just have sex already!