And now it is time for Jason Biggs to do what his characters do best - sexually embarrass themselves on screen. After being phone sex rejected earlier, Larry is looking for some solo relief at home. Or maybe not. Right before he...well, let's just call it "throws his pie," Larry stops himself in an attempt to edge like Cal instructed. God, that looks unsatisfying and downright painful. I'll pass.
When we cut to Piper, she's walking out of the shower, only to run into Alex in the bathroom. Both of them give each other not-so-friendly looks, and as Piper turns to leave, Alex tells her, "I'm in here at 5:00 just about every day. You don't like it, avoid it." Well,
When we cut to Piper, she's walking out of the shower, only to run into Alex in the bathroom. Both of them give each other not-so-friendly looks, and as Piper turns to leave, Alex tells her, "I'm in here at 5:00 just about every day. You don't like it, avoid it." Well,
You stole my loofah, didn't you?
|
that was polite - informative and considerate. I have no problems with that.
Piper does though. Instead of taking this comment and leaving, Piper turns back around, ready to thrown down. She accuses, "You named me. You didn't have to take me down with you." And, we're off! "Is that what all this is about?" asks Alex in surprise. "You think I turned you in?" Yes, did you not get the Chapman family newsletter? Piper, walking closer towards Alex: "You haven't seen me in five years. You had no idea what was going on with me. I am a different person. I was building a life..." "Oh, well, hurray for you," interrupts a disgusted Alex. "It wasn't me, Piper." Not believing her for a second, Piper calls, "Bullshit! You never ever forgave me for leaving." "Thirteen people were indicted," fires back Alex. "You met all of them. We |
traveled together." Their faces are now inches away from one another.
Refusing to acknowledge Alex's denials of guilty, Piper holds steady, firmly asserting, "I know it was you."
Alex: "No, it wasn't, and fuck you for thinking it was!"
Piper doesn't let up though, asking, "Right, what did they give you? Time off for every innocent person that you threw under the bus?"
Galled by Piper's version of events, Alex asks in disbelief, "Innocent?! That is fucking hilarious! You carried that bag. No one had a gun to your head. Your fiancé might buy this bullshit, but I know you. I know you...and there were no complaints when I took
Refusing to acknowledge Alex's denials of guilty, Piper holds steady, firmly asserting, "I know it was you."
Alex: "No, it wasn't, and fuck you for thinking it was!"
Piper doesn't let up though, asking, "Right, what did they give you? Time off for every innocent person that you threw under the bus?"
Galled by Piper's version of events, Alex asks in disbelief, "Innocent?! That is fucking hilarious! You carried that bag. No one had a gun to your head. Your fiancé might buy this bullshit, but I know you. I know you...and there were no complaints when I took
|
you all over the world, but the second shit got real..."
Piper yells, "You put me in danger!" "You loved it," counters Alex, who lets out a frustrated laugh at where the conversation has gone. Looking away from Piper as if she's thinking back to the time when they were together, Alex recounts, "You were just this boring little girl from Connecticut who wants to feel special and bad." Hey lady, ease up! It's not even 6 a.m. yet! Feeling less and less sure of things, Piper defensively tells Alex, "Don't turn this around on me." For a final time, Alex repeats, "I didn't name you...and, yeah, maybe I never forgave you for leaving...because you broke my fucking heart." By the end of this statement, Alex's voice breaks and the confidence that she had seconds ago disappears, revealing a side of Alex we have not seen before - one that is vulnerable and still bearing some scars from their relationship. As Piper finally |
You loved when we binged on coke and prostitutes! IT WAS YOUR FAVORITE!
|
falls silent, she is only able to stare back helplessly at Alex, who finishes, "And maybe I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life, but I've never lied to you...ever." Giving Piper one more pained look, Alex walks out, leaving a speechless Piper trying to discern fact from fiction.
Well, after that, I don't know about you, but I actually believe Alex. That doesn't mean I support all of her statements, but she seems truly hurt by Piper's belief that she named her. In general, I am confuzzled by them and shall continue my citizenship with Switzerland until further notice.
Well, after that, I don't know about you, but I actually believe Alex. That doesn't mean I support all of her statements, but she seems truly hurt by Piper's belief that she named her. In general, I am confuzzled by them and shall continue my citizenship with Switzerland until further notice.
Now that I think about it...I did love binging on coke and prostitutes. I really did...
|
Right after the early morning ex-lovers' quarrel, Piper calls Larry up on a mission. When he asks how her visit with her mom went, she ignores him and gets right to the point, "Listen, Larry, I need you to do something for me, and I don't wanna talk about it. I need you to find out if Alex Vause named me at her trial." Red flag, Larry, big, bright, freaking red flag. When Larry reminds her that his father had said the testimony was sealed, Piper implores him to ask his dad to find a way to get that information. She tells him, "This is really important to me." Well, that confirms it: Alex's words got to her too. Before Larry can question her, Piper tells him again, "And I don't want to talk about it." My response would have been: "Well, then you don't have to, but then I also don't have to get that information either. Hope you have a good day in the clink - love you, boo." Mama didn't raise no fool. Afterwards, Piper is told she has finally been assigned a permanent bunkmate in "B dorm," or the "ghetto" as it is more commonly known. Tribe be damned, Piper ain't hanging in the suburbs! She is escorted to her newly |
assigned "room" of sorts, discovering her roommate to be Miss Claudette, the silent, but strong veteran inmate in LCF, who has a reputation for putting up with approximately zero shit. At least, it's not Crazy Eyes or Alex! Coulda been worse!
The scene then cuts to a hallway where Sophia walks past an inmate who is performing a "favor" for Pornstache in a darkened closet. Pornstache slips her a small packet of an unknown substance that I am guessing is not kosher salt or candy sprinkles. Seeing this exchange, the gears inside Sophia's head start to turn. Sophia, no! As Peach yells in Finding Nemo, "Isn't there another way?!"
And we've got another flashback! Not a good one, though. We witness the moment where Sophia is being taken into custody and read her Miranda rights, as her wife frantically begs her for answers. Before she is escorted out of her home, she gets one last look at her son who just sits on the stairs watching her being arrested. It's heartbreaking all around.
Returning to the present, Sophia approaches the guard station where Pornstache awaits. He calls her over and alludes to the fact that he's heard about her need to obtain hormones. He proposes an unpleasant quid pro quo, knowing she has no other way to get her medication, but Sophia calmly informs him: "You've got the wrong girl." Ah! I've got goosebumps! All right, Sophia!
The scene then cuts to a hallway where Sophia walks past an inmate who is performing a "favor" for Pornstache in a darkened closet. Pornstache slips her a small packet of an unknown substance that I am guessing is not kosher salt or candy sprinkles. Seeing this exchange, the gears inside Sophia's head start to turn. Sophia, no! As Peach yells in Finding Nemo, "Isn't there another way?!"
And we've got another flashback! Not a good one, though. We witness the moment where Sophia is being taken into custody and read her Miranda rights, as her wife frantically begs her for answers. Before she is escorted out of her home, she gets one last look at her son who just sits on the stairs watching her being arrested. It's heartbreaking all around.
Returning to the present, Sophia approaches the guard station where Pornstache awaits. He calls her over and alludes to the fact that he's heard about her need to obtain hormones. He proposes an unpleasant quid pro quo, knowing she has no other way to get her medication, but Sophia calmly informs him: "You've got the wrong girl." Ah! I've got goosebumps! All right, Sophia!
I'm not gonna have to clean that up, am I?
|
Swirl this, Dandelion!
|
As 1.03: Lesbian Request Denied comes to a close, Piper is peacefully sleeping in her new bunk in the ghetto, when she awakens to find Crazy Eyes staring at her in the dark of night. Credit to Piper for not immediately screaming out in terror as I would have. When Crazy Eyes sees that Piper is watching, she unceremoniously squats and begins to release a waterfall of urine onto the floor right in front of Piper and Miss Claudette's space. Piper watches in abject horror, while Crazy Eyes unapologetically gazes right back at her in a manner befitting her name. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I think Suzanne is taking this harder than initially thought...
|
Go to Orange is the New Black Episode Recaps Go to Orange is the New Black page Go to Piper Chapman page Go to Piper Chapman Gallery of Emotion Go to Alex Vause page Go to Alex Vause Gallery of Sexy Go to Vauseman page Go to Vauseman Gallery of Passion Go to Laura Prepon page Go to Taylor Schilling page |