Continued from Page 3 of Orange is the New Black 1.02: Tit Punch
Returning to the cafeteria, Piper reports to a table by herself for her "no lunch," while the other inmates happily munch away on their meals. From behind her, Alex quickly and quietly slides her some contraband cornbread from her tray and immediately continues to sit down at another table. The two of them silently make eye contact, but Alex's move does not go unnoticed. Staring at the first food she has had the possibility of eating in days, Piper looks at it longingly, but after glancing Alex's way once more, she resolutely stands up and throws the gifted cornbread into the trashcan while looking at Alex like she's dead inside. I think that means she hasn't forgiven you, Alex. Better luck next time. You might want to get some tips from Crazy Eyes.
Alex: I know you want it...
|
Piper: I fucking don't
|
Alex: Well...derp
|
After resisting the temptation of her ex's cornbread (if I had a nickel for everytime I've said that phrase...I'd have one nickel), Piper finally reveals the purpose behind some of her bizarre behavior of late (e.g., trading her hair for cocoa butter, chewing peppers while sobbing on her bed). Apparently, all of this was done to create a cream for Red's sore back. Ah, brava Piper! Using the niche skill you have to get out of the doghouse with Red...nice thinking. Though Red offers Piper no gratitude or even acknowledgment of her efforts, once Red is alone, a small smile spreads across her face. Things are looking up!
We then get a glimpse into the life of a Piper-less Larry, who is sitting down to watch some t.v. He's got a bowl of pretzels in his lap and is dressed like he just walked out of an L.L. Bean catalog. Um, if I am alone in my place, settling in to enjoy my evening,
We then get a glimpse into the life of a Piper-less Larry, who is sitting down to watch some t.v. He's got a bowl of pretzels in his lap and is dressed like he just walked out of an L.L. Bean catalog. Um, if I am alone in my place, settling in to enjoy my evening,
Larry: God, Jon Hamm makes me hot and bothered
|
there is a 100% guarantee that I am not wearing pants. And even if I were forced to wear pants, they would be of the elastic band variety along with a very loose t-shirt. All I am saying is that Larry and I view "relaxing at home" very differently.
Moving on, as he flips through the channels, suddenly Mad Men appears on his screen. This is gut check time for Larry. Does he stay true to his word to Piper and change channels or does he ogle Jon Hamm in breach of his promise with his fiancée? He chooses the latter and I officially am over my fleeting support for his relationship with Piper. Dude, it's not even like it's been months and you were having a tough day. No! This was the first chance you had to be t.v. faithful to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with...and what do you do? Cheat. I take t.v. fidelity very seriously, as we all should, and Larry/Piper (Liper? Parry?) is no longer a ship that I'm on board with. Good day, sir! I said good day! |
Back in LCF, apparently, Piper's efforts to make amends with Red have worked their magic and the plot to starve Piper to death is now over. Huzzah! Morello hands Piper a tray of non-tamponed food and Piper's face breaks out into a myriad of looks that all convey one thing: "ecstatic food hysteria." She dives into an Eggo waffle like it is manna from Heaven. Considering it's not even the chocolate chip version, Piper, you need to calm yourself.
Piper Chapman having a food orgasm
|
|
|
|
While Piper is on the road back to om nom nom, Alex is on her way to an involuntary diet imposed by Red due to her earlier stunt to try and feed Piper. Why she tried that move in the cafeteria (Red's home base) in front of everyone is beyond me. Alex, you're an international drug dealer who specializes in the clandestine transporting of drugs and money. You, of all people, should have known how to get food to Piper without detection. Sloppy, sloppy.
At the end of this day, the inmates are all given the treat of "Movie Night," where a slapstick comedy is playing on screen. The audio is only available through the use of headphones, which Piper lacks, so she sits quietly and awkwardly by herself as the
At the end of this day, the inmates are all given the treat of "Movie Night," where a slapstick comedy is playing on screen. The audio is only available through the use of headphones, which Piper lacks, so she sits quietly and awkwardly by herself as the
|
room around her erupts in laughter. After unsuccessfully and creepily trying to listen in to her seat neighbor's headphones, who should save the day? Crazy Eyes. She offers Piper one of her earbuds, and together, the two of them get to enjoy the film, while a none-too-pleased Alex looks on. Awww, Crazy Eyes. Very smooth.
But that's not all folks. No, Crazy Eyes' plans extend past just allowing Piper to enjoy the evening's entertainment. At this point, she has given Piper much needed peppers; offered words of comfort; and now, she's shared her earphones with her. It's time to lock it down. While the movie plays, Crazy Eyes goes for it and places her hand on Piper's thigh before |
There is nothing I don't like about this picture
|
sliding it up to hold her hand. It's fair to say that Piper is, well, "not super into it." Crazy Eyes, on the other hand, wears an expression of triumph as her efforts have perfectly yielded the desired result: a new girlfriend. To the victor goes the spoils, and Crazy Eyes has certainly earned her reward. For now.
|
Go to Orange is the New Black Episodes Recaps
Go to Orange is the New Black page Go to Piper Chapman page Go to Piper Chapman Gallery of Emotion Go to Alex Vause page Go to Alex Vause Gallery of Sexy Go to Vauseman page Go to Vauseman Gallery of Passion Go to Laura Prepon page Go to Taylor Schilling page |